Gberger

Recuerda mi corazon

2012-01-30T21:41:00.000-08:00

Do you know rebecca of the recuerda mi corazon blog on my sidebar? She is a gracious artist and supporter of other artists, and right now she is raising awareness and funds to help with medical research about a rare disease of which she has firsthand knowledge.
If you have a moment, please follow this link to read her story: http://corazon.typepad.com/recuerda_mi_corazon/2012/01/walk-with-me.html

If you are able to help, perhaps you will be moved to do so in thought, word or deed.

So Much Fun

2012-01-30T09:33:00.000-08:00

I made a craft last week. I haven't done anything like this, or this messy (not counting cooking - I'm a very messy cook) in a long time. It was so much fun!

I had been waiting for weeks to try it - saved the link from Meg's whatever blog, bought the supplies, assembled them, and finally, found time to do it. It felt satisfying in an "other part of the brain" way. I've been so busy with words for the past months that it was lovely to immerse myself in pure color.

Here is a link to the instructions, in case you want to make one of your own, or share it with someone else. If you haven't visited Meg's blog before, you might want to spend a little time searching and reading. She is fun, inspiring, kind and REAL.

We went to a couple of parties this weekend. Our neighbors have a backyard that has been lovingly planned and executed; they have a sort of "outdoor living room" concept, with patio, hot tub, different levels and areas to gather. The crown jewel of their back yard is the new "bug hut," a gorgeous, one-room solid-wood building with screens for windows, a wine rack, stereo and propane heater inside. It's a writer's dream. They also have the best fire pit I have ever seen: it is made from one-half of a buoy - probably four to six feet in diameter, and two or three feet deep. It's more like a cauldron.

Examples of buoys I'm describing (wikipedia image)

We had chili, snacks and beverages, and sat out under the stars around the fire. Did I mention that the temperature was below freezing? Yes, there was frost on the ground, but plenty of warmth - including food, friendship and conversation - by the fire.

Last night was the birthday of one of our Camp Goodtimes friends, Chad (a.k.a. Putt Putt). Chad's girlfriend Ann Marie hosted about 20 of us for delicious, homemade pasta, meatballs and sauce - two kinds! - at her mother's home. It was fun to meet more of their friends, visit with our Camp buddies, eat, drink and celebrate a wonderful, generous man whose heart is huge. Happy Birthday, Putt Putt!

Now I am making soup and getting ready for the carpet cleaners to arrive tomorrow - HOORAY! - we need them.

Receiving Grace, Sharing Grace

2012-01-27T08:57:00.000-08:00

Butterfly on lavender, Senanque, France, 2009

These two devotional readings encouraged me today.

On Cleaving to God by St. Albert the Great (Chapter 5, On purity of heart, which is to be sought above all things):

     "This is the true union of spirit and love
by which a man is made compliant
to all the impulses of the supreme and eternal will,
so that he becomes by grace what God is by nature.
     "At the same time
it should be noted that in the very moment in which one is able,
by God's help,
to overcome one's own will,
that is to cast away from oneself inordinate love or strong feeling,
in other words so as to dare simply
to trust God completely in all one's needs,
by this very fact
one becomes so pleasing to God
that his grace is imparted to one,
and through that very grace
one experiences that true love and devotion
which drives out all uncertainty and fear and has full confidence in God.
What is more,
there can be no greater happiness than
to place one's all in him who lacks nothing."

"When we won't let ourselves be held in the midst of our messes by God who loves us and made us, we miss the unspeakable joy of knowing that we are truly His beloved."
- Deborah Newman
This brought to mind the original Twelve Steps, published by Alcoholics Anonymous*:

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

There is a fascinating chapter in the Big Book called "We Agnostics." All I can say about it is, Wow. I have friends who are in the Program, and it has worked wonders in their lives. I am in awe of, and thankful for, the contribution of AA in our society. If you, or anyone you know, has need of the kind of help which is generously offered in Alcoholics Anonymous, please follow this link.

*Source: Wikipedia: Alcoholics Anonymous (June 2001). "Chapter 5: How It Works" (PDF). Alcoholics Anonymous (4th ed.). Alcoholics Anonymous World Services. ISBN 1893007162. OCLC 32014950. http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_bigbook_chapt5.pdf.

Why I Love St. Paul's Story

2012-01-25T08:26:00.000-08:00

Today is the Feast of the Conversion of St. Paul, the Apostle of Jesus Christ. If you aren't familiar with the stories about St. Paul, in a tiny nutshell: he was a devout Jew who was intent on destroying the new movement of those who believed that Jesus was indeed the Messiah for whom they had been waiting. He had people imprisoned - and killed - because he was so passionate about his faith in Judaism as it was. He thought that Christians were heretics.

The scriptural passages for today are deeply inspiring, showing a life of "righteousness" and "success" which was suddenly turned around due to the revelation of a deeper truth. Paul received an understanding which reversed the way he served God. He had originally believed he was serving God by persecuting Christians, but Jesus revealed to him that this was not His Way. Paul saw the light - was in fact temporarily blinded by it - heard that voice, asked what he was to do, and obeyed. He was baptized and cured of his blindness by a Christian, and immediately joined their group.

What followed this conversion - Paul's decision to live the life that Jesus offered to him - is responsible for much of what we know as the Letters to the Churches in the New Testament. God chose a murderous, legalistic zealot, showed him a blinding light, and spoke to him in a voice which he could hear. In so doing, He ended the murderous behavior and sent that light into "the world" as it was known then, and the larger world, which we know now.

You can read Paul's own account of his conversion experience, and a third-person account, here:
http://www.usccb.org/bible/readings/012512.cfm

This is not to say that Christianity is the only way to live, or that Jewish people are bad or wrong.
What it does say to me is that legalism, inflexibility, "us vs. them" or self-righteous attitudes can lead us to do the wrong things for what we sincerely believe are the right reasons.

It gives me hope for myself, that my feeble, backsliding behavior, mistakes and misunderstandings will not - cannot - stop the work that God has for me to do. Thanks be to God!

"Rest in this: it is His business to lead, command, impel, send, call, or whatever you want to call it. It is your business to obey, follow, move, respond, or what have you... The sound of 'gentle stillness' after all the thunder and wind have passed will be the ultimate Word from God." - Jim Elliot

Friends Who Inspire on the Journey

2012-01-24T16:18:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of meeting with a friend to pick up three blankets for Katie's Comforters Guild to donate to Seattle Children's Hospital. Leigh and I haven't had a visit for several years (though we run into each other occasionally and are friends on facebook), so we decided to make an occasion of it and meet for lunch, as well.

I first met Leigh about 10 years ago when she came to the Lectionary study group which I attended. I remember liking her immediately, and then being stunned when she told us that her beautiful, beloved, only son (she has two daughters, too) had recently died by suicide. I recall a silence of respectful compassion in the circle -- peace and caring went out to her.

Leigh struck me from the beginning as a woman with no self-pity nor bitterness, with a lot of courage and a great deal of love. She got involved with groups to promote understanding of suicide, and helped by speaking to families in need. When I saw her yesterday, she radiated joy, energy, humor and caring. We had a great time over lunch. I noticed that we laughed harder and louder than anyone else in the cafe. We talked about that joy, about the path of grief, about things that people say to bereaved mothers, things we felt, how it was to be a wife and mother in this situation, the impact on our extended families, how we wanted to live in the wake of our child's passing, and how we DIDN'T want our lives to be. It was so comfortable to talk with Leigh; I felt that she understood everything I said. I am thankful for the gift of knowing her.

Another person who has blessed me since Katie's passing is Carin Towne (and her husband Jeff). Carin and Jeff are the parents of Ben Towne (and Ryan, too). Carin was introduced to me by one of our favorite oncology nurses; I'm so thankful for that introduction. You might recall that Gregg and I were in their video last September. Carin and Jeff have taken their heartbreak over Ben's death and turned it into fire -- the fire of change, of progress, of redemption, of not taking the "status-quo-no" for an answer.

I love the fire in Carin's eyes. It is not a bitter flame; its fuel is love (and grief), and it burns brightly with humor, fierceness, tenacity, intelligence, dignity, spontaneity, and grace. I am a more hopeful person because Carin and Jeff are helping to bring the answer to my prayers to Seattle now: they have gifted the Center for Childhood Cancer Research with their son's name, and with $5,000,000. Talk about turning your grief into something positive!

Both of these women inspire me. They both embody what I feel are the qualities that make it possible to survive the death of a child: gratitude and generosity (you could say that both of these are born of love). The way to the light, for me, during the darkest days seems to be to remember -- and give thanks for -- my blessings, and to be aware that there is ALWAYS someone else in pain out there (possibly in a worse situation than I am), and that I can do something positive with what I have left, right here, right now. That is how Katie's Comforters Guild was born. That is why I am sitting here, writing this today. That is what Leigh's and Carin's examples say to me.

Thank God for good friends on this path. As Leigh said yesterday, "I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy," but good company sure helps!
Here are links to information about the Towne family's recent gift.

Introducing: The Ben Towne Center for Childhood Cancer Research from ben towne foundation on Vimeo.

http://bentownefoundation.org/2012/01/walk-on/

http://seattlechildrens.org/media/press-detail.aspx?id=495855

If you live in the area, you can request a tour of the new Ben Towne Center for Childhood Cancer Research in Seattle. It's a wonderful thing to see!

An e-Store!

2012-01-21T00:05:00.000-08:00

The book is coming together, slowly but surely. This week, I submitted changes and edits to the physical proof, and there may be one more adjustment to come after that. Each round of edits/changes takes at least a week for the createspace team to incorporate into the manuscript. Getting a digital proof (which I then approve or revise) comes after the changes are incorporated. After that, I will wait for the final physical proof to arrive, review it, and once I approve, the book will be available online at my createspace e-Store. I'm excited to have my very own digital storefront!

You are cordially invited to

visit my createspace storefront for

"Because of Katie."

As soon as the book is completed, you will be able to order it from this site. It will also be available on www.amazon.com, both as a paperback and in Kindle format, as well as in your own local bookstores. It's very exciting to know that anyone, anywhere will be able to order it in either format.

The way to visit my e-Store is by clicking on this link:

Karen's eStore

which will take you to this,

and to information about when it will be available for order (unfortunately, it's not possible to pre-order; I wish it were). I don't have an exact date, but with the latest edits, it looks as if it will be available for purchase around Valentine's Day, or shortly before. That's not too long to wait, after working on it since March!

Snowmageddon/Snowpocalypse

2012-01-20T16:34:00.000-08:00

Oh, Seattle. We are accustomed to a great deal of precipitation...but not to frozen precipitation. I will not share the many hilarious comedy sketches that mock our problems with driving in snow, but you can easily find plenty to laugh at on facebook and YouTube. Suffice it to say that it is not our forte here. We have so many hills, and our snow is so wet and heavy, that it's more like skating than driving, and for some of us, it's better to simply stay at home.

Our news media, apparently having very little else to report, has been running around-the-clock weather and traffic updates. They really get into it, calling a coming storm system by such dramatic names that we locals have started to make jokes about "Snowmageddon" and "Snowpocalypse."

Because we had a little warning about the snow, I bought a lot of food in case we got stuck at home. We always have a fire laid in our woodstove, as well as flashlights and a lot of candles around the house. The power often goes out in winter time here, due to trees and limbs falling on power lines, so we like to be prepared.

When it finally arrived, we got a total of about 4 inches of snow at our house, and we're at sea level. Some people had over a foot.

Gregg was ready with his new hat from R.E.I.

Gregg had his computer and mobile phone at home with him when the snow began to fall, so he has simply worked from here. It was a nice change for a man who has a three-hour round-trip commute every day. I work from home, so we shared the space and took walks in the snow when we needed a break. There was no way that we could have driven a car up our steep, long driveway, and even if we could, the roads were not plowed, salted nor sanded. In fact, our friends reported seeing a (rare) snowplow by their house, and it was stuck in a ditch. So much for help out in the countryside! The snow was beautiful, even though it really did bring everything that wasn't an emergency to a halt.

The view from our bedroom

A side street in our neighborhood

A beloved neighbor's yard art

The cats wanted to go outside, but shortly after they went out, they wanted to come back in. I regret to say that Latte caught (and killed) a bird while he was outside. He came up on the deck with the poor thing clenched firmly in his jaws. ICK!

Liger preferred to be indoors, but he did get a bit stir-crazy. He resumed his old pastime of finding Playmobil and Lego pieces and playing soccer with them all over the house. It sounded like a stampede, but it was harmless and quite funny.

Caught with a Playmobil cup

It is now raining steadily, and the roads are deep with slush and running water. It will be a pleasure to go out in the car tomorrow, but it's been fun to be "snowed in" with Gregg for a few days!

Sneak Preview

2012-01-14T10:20:00.000-08:00

It's here - the physical proof of my book is here for FINAL proofreading and editing!

This is a preview of the front cover.

I have thought, several times, that I was doing the final editing, but it is amazing to see how many little errors can creep in, between the original MS Word files and photo files, files that have been formatted for design, re-formatted again for electronic proof, and then for the actual physical proof. There are possibilities for things to go awry in each phase, and this means it's necessary to read and re-read the book; each time I think "This is the last step," it turns out that more is required.

For me, this is difficult, because

a) I wrote it

b) I lived in the story

c) I've read it numerous times and

d) some of it is quite difficult to re-visit,

but this is part of the process, so I am doing it. It takes more time than I'd anticipated.

David has been helpful in lending his eyes and thoughts to reading and commenting upon it.

I will keep you informed as soon as it's available online and in bookstores; it looks as if it will take another couple of weeks. Once I send all of the changes to the publisher, they will send me ANOTHER physical proof to approve or reject, and when I accept that, it will be available for anyone to order.

Now you know where I am in the process.

Whistler B.C., 2012

2012-01-08T21:11:00.000-08:00

We've been in Whistler, B.C. for a few days. David loves-loves-LOVES to ski, as do my brother and sister-in-law. Gregg is also a skier, and though I do not enjoy it, I enjoy being with my family, so I go along for the company. We have taken this trip together five times, staying in different condominiums and getting better acquainted with the area, as David's love for skiing has grown.

On our first trip, in 2002, both of the children took ski lessons. Katie turned 7 on that trip, and lost a tooth.

David is in the bottom row, middle

Katie is the one in the middle

I can see that loose tooth in front, ready to come out

This year, David invited his friend from high school and college, Charlie, with whom he skis at Schweitzer when they are in Spokane. They are well-matched in terms of ability (and sense of humor). Charlie had never been to Whistler before, so it was our pleasure to have him with us and to introduce him to the area.

View of Blackcomb Mountain from the condo we rented

Unfortunately, my brother injured his arm and shoulder in a fall during Christmastime, so he was unable to join us on the trip. Though we missed his humor and his intense enjoyment of skiing, we did manage to have fun, but Whistler is certainly not the same without "Jimus Maximus." We were able to skype with him and share some laughs; I am happy to say that his arm is healing.

My parents generously treated us to two wonderful dinners while we were away. Since our next-door neighbor, Kim, has strong ties to the Whistler restaurant community, she gave us a couple of gifts to deliver to friends of hers who are in the restaurant business up there.

After unpacking the car, settling into the condo and taking a walk through Whistler Village, we ate dinner at Caramba!, and had the pleasure of meeting Kim's friend, Mario (who owns Caramba! in Whistler Village and La Rua restaurant at Blackcomb base). Mario is a gracious and generous host. Our food was delicious, and the deep dish apple pie was out of this world. The atmosphere in Caramba! is warm and cozy, with a real wood-fired pizza oven generating heat and adding to the casual feeling of welcome. We would recommend Caramba! to anyone visiting Whistler.

Having dinner at Caramba!

The first day of skiing was a pretty good one for the group. This resort has the distinction of having the most ski-able terrain in North America. Having said that, it does not always have good weather, good visibility or dry snow. Whistler-Blackcomb has a website on which you can check the weather at four different points on the mountains, as well as finding any activity you would like to pursue there. On this trip, there was little new snow at the mountains' base, and visibility was not great for the skiers, but snow conditions up high were good. At mid-day, Gregg decided to move over from Whistler mountain to Blackcomb, which he prefers, while David, Charlie and Caroline skied together on Whistler.

That night, we ate dinner at Le Gros, taking another gift to Kim's friend, Pascal (the owner).

Obviously, Pascal is a character. His hat plays music and the legs do a dance

Le Gros is in an alpine-style house, with fireplaces and tall windows, soft lighting and delicious French food. We all enjoyed our dinner there, watching the snow fall lightly as we ate.

Gregg, me, Charlie, Caroline & David at Le Gros

The next day, Gregg decided to go snowshoeing with me, and take a rest from downhill. We had discussed taking a cross-country skiing lesson, but I really enjoy snowshoeing for its simplicity and directness, and Gregg agreed, so we rented snowshoes, got a trail pass and a map, and set out. It was snowing lightly when we left.

Gregg on the snowshoeing trail

I am the 3rd person in the family to use this ski parka, and it is still going strong (& warm)!

On the trail around Lost Lake

We walked about 5.2 kilometres along trails which form a loop around Lost Lake. It was a blast! I would love to find a snowshoeing group to join while my family of skiers are on the mountain. I just don't care to go downhill fast, so all of the expensive gear and lift tickets are wasted on me.

After we returned the snowshoes to the rental hut, Gregg and I walked to the village and ate lunch by the fireplace in a brew pub. Then we did a little bit of shopping, came home and got into the hot tub (each condo in this complex has its own tub outside). It was still snowing lightly while we were in the steaming tub - that was a novel experience, and really refreshing! Then a shower, and the skiers called to ask us to pick them up from the mountain. It was like a little honeymoon day, just for the two of us. I am so happy that Gregg wanted to spend the day with me.

On our last night, we ate at Bavaria restaurant. It has a lovely, warmly-colored interior, excellent waitstaff and delicious food. Their specialties are wild game, fondue and schnitzel. Each one of us tried something different; the boys had kangaroo meat and wild boar (I am not kidding)!

Thank you, Grandma & Kappa, for being with us in spirit and in generosity! We thought of you (and Jim) each day on our first vacation of the new year.

When we arrived home, the proof of my book was waiting for me. I have some final changes to make, and will let you know when it's ready on www.amazon.com. It should be completed in a couple of weeks!

Simplify the Heart

2012-01-07T17:02:00.000-08:00

Painting by Philip J. Boren

I loved this when I discovered it in my "Inbox":

"...if you have begun to strip and purify yourself of images and imaginations and to simplify and still your heart and mind in the Lord God so that you can draw and taste the well of divine grace in everything within yourself, and so that you are united to God in your mind by a good will, then this itself is enough for you in place of all study and reading of holy scripture, and as demonstration of love of God and neighbour, as devotion itself testifies.
"So simplify your heart with all care, diligence and effort so that still and at peace from the products of the imagination you can turn round and remain always in the Lord within yourself, as if your mind were already in the now of eternity, that is of the godhead. In this way you will be able to renounce yourself through love of Jesus Christ, with a pure heart, clean conscience and unfeigned faith, and commit yourself completely and fully to God in all difficulties and eventualities, and be willing to submit yourself patiently to his will and good pleasure at all times." - On Cleaving to God
by St. Albert the Great

Happy New Year!

2012-01-02T18:37:00.000-08:00

I hope that New Year's Eve was a fun night for you, however you spent it.

Some years, it seems best to have a quiet time at home with those closest to us. Some years, we've had a bonfire - for fun, and to symbolize what we are glad to let go of, as the year draws to a close. Some years, we feel like a party- and this year, we "got our party on" with friends, which was great fun.

Though I enjoy good food and drink, I am not a big consumer of alcohol. I didn't drink it at all until I was 40, because I grew up in a "dry" household, and because my paternal grandmother was an alcoholic, God bless her soul. It truly ruined her life and her relationships, so I have always been extremely wary of the genetic possibilities inherent in alcohol, and the sadness that my grandmother's addiction caused to those who loved her - including me.

Nana Edna was so much fun when she was sober!

Being 5'1" tall, I learned very quickly to go slowly when drinking alcohol, even wine. When I began to drink alcohol, Gregg (who has had many more years' experience with this than I) counseled me to drink a glass of water in between each glass of wine, and I do that. I stay away from hard liquor, except in fruity beverages such as daiquiris or margaritas. I'm low-key about it, but I do have a glass of wine or a beer most evenings.

On New Year's Eve, I followed my "rules" and drank a lot of water; between each glass of champagne, I re-hydrated. I ate dinner and snacks to keep a balance of food and drink in my system. During the party we sang, danced, talked, watched the kids set off fireworks, ate, drank, took photos, laughed and talked some more. When we left for home around 1:30, David was our designated driver. We took Tums and rehydrated when we arrived at home. In short, we did it all responsibly...yet I still spent part of the night lying on the bathroom floor! I guess even the best of intentions can get derailed at a good party.

The only funny thing about this is the fact that, as I lay on the floor, waiting for the nausea to pass, I did two things. I prayed for others who I know are having REAL health issues right now, especially offering my (stupidly, self-induced) suffering up for a particular few, and for Katie, in respect for their REAL suffering. The second thing I did - avoiding any and all thoughts of food - was to muse upon what I could write about the experience. You know that you're a writer when, in the throes of nausea, you think about what you're going to write the next day!

Happy, healthy New Year to you!

Christmas 2011

2011-12-28T17:40:00.000-08:00

I hope you had a beautiful Christmas holiday. We had the privilege of joining the Stoner-Ginder-Cunningham family for a party a couple of nights before Christmas in the Magnolia neighborhood of Seattle. It was very beautiful, and great fun to be with our extended family. No photos, but happy memories.

On Christmas Eve, we spent a quiet night together at home - perfect.

Christmas day brought a windstorm which knocked our power out as I was cooking French toast for breakfast. Fortunately, we have a gas range, so the breakfast was fine, and the power was restored. Later, we had the pleasure of seeing Gregg's side of the family at his brother Charlie & sister-in-law Cheri's house on the other side of town. The dinner featured some of Ina Garten's delicious recipes, cooked to perfection. Gregg and I contributed a chopped salad and a side dish, along with some beverages. We've hosted Christmas dinner in our home for the past two years, and while I love hosting, it was nice to be a guest this year. Again, no photos, but good memories.

My brother Jim, sister-in-law Caroline and nephew Phil visited my parents to celebrate Christmas with them in the sunshine. Yesterday, Jim & Caroline hosted our side of the family (minus my parents) for a delicious dinner in Bellevue. Before we gathered for dinner, we braved the Bellevue Square Mall craziness, and Gregg was able to replace his broken headphones at the Bose store. David bought a shirt at Nordstrom, I got two small items at Sephora, and then we moved on to the Bravern so that David could get his "fix" of what's new at Nieman Marcus - only window shopping there!

Gregg and I brought another chopped salad to the dinner. It travels well, is healthy, tasty and colorful.

Gregg prepping the salad at home before heading to my brother's house for (belated) Christmas dinner

Nephew Phil prepping gin & tonic, and Caroline getting ready to make gravy

Jim, Deb (our sister), David, Phil's girlfriend Rachel & Gregg at "cocktail hour."
Jim is sporting a sling due to a tennis injury from their vacation in the desert.

Rachel, Phil & David (I love the cousin-togetherness!)

Caroline, Gregg & me after dinner

Gregg, Deb, Jim, Rachel, Phil, David & Caroline

After dinner, I noticed the fabulous bone left over from the leg of lamb. I asked if our hosts or my sister had a crockpot (slow-cooker). They do, but they work full-time and were not inclined to make anything with it; they were going to get rid of the bone and all of the delicious herbs! I asked if we could have them, and made a delicious vegetable-barley soup today with the leftover bone, herbs and meat. We had it for dinner with a salad, and if I do say so myself, it was awesome. I love making (and eating) soup on a cold, wet, gray winter day!

Latte & Liger relaxing at our house on Christmas Eve

Happy New Year to you and yours!

"Love is the Ultimate & Highest Goal"

2011-12-23T10:17:00.000-08:00

Katie's hospice nurse, Amy, has a blog. Amy's recent posting took my breath away. She has a way of walking with those who are dying, and their families, that is peaceful, respectful, understanding, sacred, serious and light at the same time. I consider Amy (and many of the other nurses we've met) to be angels on earth - literally.

This quote from Viktor Frankl, a holocaust survivor (which Amy featured in her posting) holds a deep truth which expresses my way of seeing and being, so I will reprint part of it here:

“A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth – THAT LOVE IS THE ULTIMATE AND THE HIGHEST GOAL TO WHICH MAN CAN ASPIRE. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love. I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved. In a position of utter desolation, when man cannot express himself in positive action, when his only achievement may consist in enduring his sufferings in the right way – an honorable way – in such a position man can, through loving contemplation of the image he carries of his beloved, achieve fulfillment."*

*from: Frankl, Viktor E., Man's Search for Meaning, Washington Square Press, Simon and Schuster, New York, 1963.

A Favorite Potato Recipe

2011-12-21T14:57:00.000-08:00

When Allegra & Barry were here, I cooked from some of our favorite recipes. One reason was the desire to share our favorites, and another reason was the desire to cook something I know well (less opportunity for a disaster). They enjoyed our favorite roasted potatoes so much that Allegra asked for the recipe. That makes me so happy that I decided to share it here with all of you.

The funny thing about sharing this is that I realized, in typing it up, that I now always improvise on it. We use red potatoes (no peeling necessary), and prefer them to be crispy, so I bake them at 400 degrees. I also prefer to mix it in a bowl, but if you are prepping ahead for a big crowd, the ziploc bags will be helpful.

You will find the right proportions of seasonings and oil as you try it. Bon appetit!

Oven-Fried Potatoes

from the
"Best of the Best of Washington Cookbook,"
page 103 (Credited to “Taste of Balboa”)

12 medium potatoes, peeled and cubed
¼ cup grated parmesan cheese
2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon paprika
½ teaspoon pepper
1/3 cup vegetable oil

Place potatoes in 2 large resealable plastic bags. Combine parmesan cheese and seasonings; add to potatoes and shake to coat. Pour oil into 2 15x10x1-inch pans; pour potatoes into pans.
Bake uncovered at 375 degrees for 40-50 minutes, or until tender.

While we were browsing in the used bookstore, Allegra found this gem, reprinted from the 1930s. I am devouring it. It's full of practical tips and true, every-day French recipes, but simplified into what is practically a manufacturing-process approach. The timing of the steps involved is so clear that you could make a four-course meal on your lunch hour, and still have time to eat it. Fascinating!

Gifts from Blogging

2011-12-19T12:32:00.000-08:00

Dinner & dessert at Burrata Bistro

One of the gifts of blogging is becoming acquainted with people you would never have met otherwise. Sometimes, those blog-friendships translate into "real life." Allegra & Barry are two of those friends; they spent the weekend in our area. Last year, Gregg and I visited them in their hometown. This year, they were able to make a trip to see us (and other friends of theirs).

Allegra and her "boyfriend," visiting at our house

We spent hours cozily at home, chatting, nibbling, enjoying the view and company.

Barry & David, getting acquainted

David had heard us speak of our friends, who we met through blogging, but he had never met them himself. This visit coincided with his Christmas vacation, so it was a pleasure to introduce them.

Gregg, Allegra, me & Barry on our deck

It was great fun to show them around our little town. We visited many of the boutiques, our local Norwegian bakery, Katie's bench (at Allegra's request), our wonderful "destination" grocery store, and of course, Burrata Bistro for dinner. See a trend? Allegra & Barry are true "foodies," and we share a deep enjoyment of the topic and its application in real life.

We hosted them for brunch and dinner in our home. I was a little bit intimidated to cook for Allegra, who has been trained at Cordon Bleu, but she did her best to put me at ease, even taking over an area of the kitchen to prepare oysters in a delicate sauce for an appetizer, as I prepared our dinner. If you had ever told me that I would be sharing a kitchen with a Cordon Bleu-trained chef and restauranteur, I would have doubted you. But it worked, and no egregious failures ensued on my part (at least, none that I could perceive)!

Allegra and Barry are both talented raconteurs. We talked and talked until we could scarcely keep our eyes open; I got to bed at 3:00 this morning, shortly before Gregg arose at 4:00 to go to work. I am a little bit punchy today, but it was well worth it.

Bon voyage and traveling mercies, with love, to our friends.

Rolling in the Deep

2011-12-16T19:14:00.000-08:00

I know that this song has been played a LOT...but I admire whoever was the art director of the video so much that I have to post it here.

Who (of those of you who have been through a bad breakup) has not wanted to break china, dance like a dervish, beat on a drum set, sing at the top of your lungs, or set fire to something?

This is a work of artistic and emotional genius, in my opinion. Sing it, Adele!

Christmas Ship Party Photos

2011-12-15T22:43:00.000-08:00

Last night's party took place at Denise and Gary's PanAbode on Liberty Bay. Here are a few photos from the festivities.

Our hostess and host, the most hospitable, easygoing, welcoming people!

Cami, Heidi, Paul & Joni
Isn't the house warm-looking, with all of that gorgeous wood construction?

Gregg and me by Denise & Gary's lovely tree

Beautiful Denise and her daughter Krista, local bookstore owner Suzanne, me and "high-flying Carol," (a flight-attendant).

Jim, Kristin, Gregg and me, just before going out to the bonfire

About to begin the Christmas trivia contest - which I won (a great surprise)!
I keep staring at this photo of Gregg. He is so handsome.

If someone (Paul?) posts photos of the ship or the bonfire, I'll add them...

Praise

2011-12-15T08:34:00.000-08:00

This morning's lectionary reading is one of my favorites, from Isaiah 54. I was composing a posting about it in my head when the thought occurred that I might have done so already, and sure enough, I have, here. It was at this time, last year.

I was grateful to read the scripture passages this morning because I didn't sleep well last night; I awoke many times and had a nightmare. I have variations of the same nightmare for no apparent reason, and have done for years. Probably (because I have lived through a real-life version of the dream) it is still seeping slowly out of my subconscious, but to be honest, I really don't know much about dream analysis, so I am just guessing. It always leaves me a little rattled. So to find the assurance and reminder of God's devoted love, upon awakening, is a gift.

More and more, I find myself wanting to share my gratitude to God, and to praise Him. I feel deeply blessed, in spite of the hardships that have come into my life over 52 years. Waking up and spending time reading about His love and His work throughout history, in and through the lives of those who acknowledge and love Him, is a great luxury and a huge part of my equilibrium. And so is being part of a family, and having meaningful work, friends, shelter, enough to eat, and time to enjoy all of those. Yes, I am blessed, and I wish/pray that everyone on earth would be blessed with these gifts, too.

No one's life is perfect. Even those who appear to "have it all," are human, and have issues in their lives about which we know NOTHING. I don't want to "have it all." I want to live in a way that is worthy of God's gift to me of this life, and of these people who He has given to walk with me.

Yesterday, I completed (what I hope is) the last round of proofreading on my book. I received an encouraging phone call from a friend, for which I am truly thankful, wrapped Christmas gifts and cooked. After Gregg came home, we went to a party. We had intended to leave the party and take the Argosy Christmas Cruise, which is great fun, but rather than board the ship (as we've done in the past), we changed our plans, went to the party and stayed. Our hosts live on the bay where the ship was sailing, so after a hearty pot-luck dinner (we brought Chicken Tikka Masala with peas and potatoes), we all gathered at the beach around a big bonfire and watched the ship sail in front of us. Our local high school's choir was on board, and their Christmas concert was projected through loud-speakers. The ship was brilliantly lit, and its reflection on the water - as well as the pure young voices floating over it - were a little bit of heaven on earth.

David and me, about to board the Argosy Christmas Ship, December 2007

David will be coming home tonight, after taking his last exam of the semester. We can't wait to see him and spend the Christmas and New Year's holidays with him!

I will extol you, O LORD, for you drew me clear
and did not let my enemies rejoice over me.
O LORD, you brought me up from the nether world;
you preserved me from among those going down into the pit.
I will praise you, Lord, for you have rescued me.
Sing praise to the LORD, you his faithful ones,
and give thanks to his holy name. - Psalm 30

Though the mountains leave their place
and the hills be shaken,
My love shall never leave you
nor my covenant of peace be shaken,
says the LORD, who has mercy on you. - Isaiah 54

Winter Sunrise, Winter Flowers

2011-12-13T20:26:00.000-08:00

I cut these yesterday - the last hydrangeas of the year

From Movies

Christmas is Coming...

2011-12-11T10:12:00.000-08:00

...and the preparations are beginning here. This week, after spending Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday proofreading my book and sending the corrections/changes back to the publisher, I was delighted to turn my thoughts to the joys of Christmas baking. Four friends gathered to bake a variety of cookies together, nibble on snacks, chat and drink a bit of bubbly (with festive hibiscus flowers in our glasses). Have you ever tried these? They are so pretty, and the syrup makes the wine taste like dessert!

Julie, Heidi, Denise, Kristin and me

Denise & Kristin, mixing it up, with Heidi's reflection

Some of the results, which we all shared with our families

Yesterday was our annual trip to the tree farm with the family of the Drs. B. We love sharing this tradition, which we started with our children, with the Bs (and now their exchange student, Gogo). I only wish that their daughter and David could have joined us, but they are both still away at college. David will be arriving later this week, and I can't wait to see him!

At the tree farm with Gogo and the B. family. I think "the dudes" were a bit chilled by this time!

After choosing and cutting our trees, we paid for them and tied them onto our cars. We drove back home to enjoy a pot of homemade chili, cornbread, fresh pineapple and some of those Christmas cookies. The boys played Monopoly and we visited; it's always great to be with the B family.

Now, it's time to decorate the tree and the house, and work on cards and gift-wrapping. The smell of fir needles is a pleasure that inspires the spirit of the season!

I love the Advent scriptures:

"The spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,
because the LORD has anointed me;
he has sent me to bring glad tidings to the poor,
to heal the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives and release to the prisoners, to announce a year of favor from the LORD
and a day of vindication by our God.

I rejoice heartily in the LORD,
in my God is the joy of my soul;
for he has clothed me with a robe of salvation
and wrapped me in a mantle of justice,
like a bridegroom adorned with a diadem,
like a bride bedecked with her jewels.
As the earth brings forth its plants,
and a garden makes its growth spring up,
so will the Lord GOD make justice and praise
spring up before all the nations."

- Is 61:1-2a, 10-11

"My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord;
my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has looked upon his lowly servant.
From this day all generations will call me blessed:
the Almighty has done great things for me,
and holy is his Name.
He has mercy on those who fear him
in every generation.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
and the rich he has sent away empty.
He has come to the help of his servant Israel
for he has remembered his promise of mercy."
- Luke 1

Weekend Recap

2011-12-05T09:23:00.000-08:00

Briefly, because I am supposed to be proofreading my book's proof: we had a good weekend.

Gregg and I worked in our yard on Saturday, raking maple, sweet gum and hydrangea leaves, and pruning rugosa rose bushes. Gregg then suggested a spur-of-the moment trip to the city, so we showered and dressed for a date. I love going out on dates with him!

The Pike Place Market looked beautiful as the sun set and dusk descended. We walked uptown, took care of a couple of errands, and enjoyed the holiday decor and ambience of the city. Window-shopping and people-watching are such a treat at this time of year!

We called my brother and sister-in-law and invited them to meet us for dinner at one of Tom Douglas's excellent restaurants called Serious Pie. It's a pizza place, and while they take their cuisine seriously, the atmosphere is anything but. It was great fun, the food was delicious, and we shared a lot of laughs with Jim and Caroline.

Yesterday, we brought Gregg's parents over to our house for lunch, and enjoyed the pure winter light and sunshine, looking out of the windows as we visited. Then we drove them home, and took a walk on the south end of Bainbridge Island, where we saw ferries passing in front of Mt. Rainier and Blake Island. The beauty of this world is a gift for us to enjoy every day, if we are able to slow down, look, savor...and give thanks!

Too Busy to Write?

2011-12-02T14:34:00.000-08:00

Yes, I've been too busy to write - seriously. I've been writing on Katie's Comforters Guild's blog, writing "thank you" letters, writing emails and Christmas cards - so I've been writing, but not here.

Please do check out the latest news at Katie's Comforters Guild. It will make you smile.

One reason I've been too busy to write is the fact that we went to California for the week of Thanksgiving, David's birthday and my mother's birthday.

I gave these napkins to my mother for the obvious reason.

There was a lot of this...

...and this.

Gregg and I at one of our favorite restaurants - Las Casuelas Terrazas, with live music and outdoor seating. I LOVE this place, and their margaritas.

Dad & Mom at Las Casuelas.

There was a lot of this...

...and this

and this.
Visiting with our friend, Norm, on Thanksgiving. We were so glad that he could join us this year!

And now, for even more reasons to smile, look at what I received today:

the proof of my book - all 267 pages of it!

If I'm not updating here, it's because I am editing this baby.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

You Are the Beloved

2011-11-27T13:41:00.000-08:00

Sunrise over Port Madison, Bainbridge Island, by P.J. Boren

"You can deal with an enormous amount of success as well as an enormous amount of failure without losing your identity, because your identity is that you are the beloved. Long before your father & mother, your brothers & sisters, your teachers, your church, or any people touched you in a loving as well as in a wounding way - long before you were rejected by some person or praised by somebody else - that voice has been there always. 'I have loved you with an everlasting love.' That love is there before you were born & will be there after you die." - Henri J. M. Nouwen

Giving Thanks

2011-11-24T15:34:00.000-08:00

Almighty God, Father of all mercies,
we give You humble thanks
for all Your goodness and loving-kindness
to us and to all whom You have made.
We bless You for our creation, preservation,
and all the blessings of this life;
but above all for Your immeasurable love...
And, we pray, give us such an awareness of Your mercies,
that with truly thankful hearts we may show forth Your praise,
not only with our lips, but in our lives...
Amen.
Thanks be to God.

(adapted from Thanksgiving Day evening prayers on The Daily Office [blog])

Happy Birthday, David!

2011-11-21T00:01:00.000-08:00

David is turning 19 years old today. How did it happen so fast? How did we go from this

to this?

Although, the first two years never SEEMED to be moving fast, when we were in the midst of it!

What happened between this

and this?

or this

and this?

or this

and this?

or this

and this?

What happened: a wonderful little boy grew into a fabulous young man.

We are immensely proud of you, David!

We are thankful that you are exactly who you are,

our son, Katie's brother.

We love you more than words can express!

We can hardly wait to see you.

Happy 19th Birthday!

UPDATE on Robin

2011-11-18T13:39:00.000-08:00

She's out of her surgeries, and they went well.
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts!

From "A Daily Spiritual Seed"

2011-11-18T08:13:00.000-08:00

I have mentioned the devotional which I enjoy (via email) called "A Daily Spiritual Seed." Today's posting was so beautiful that I am quoting from it here, to share with you.

"Reflection on the Scripture
http://onlineministries.creighton.edu/CollaborativeMinistry/daily.html

"As temples of God, we must remain fit and always become more holy. From time to time, we need to make changes in our lives - sometimes small, sometimes radical. It may be that all we need is the grace to be aware of the need for change, or we may need our tables overturned. We need not fear in either case, for Christ is committed to remain at our side to help us make whatever change of habit or heart that is needed.

"It is well to remember that the effort itself is formative. That is what God is asking from us.

"Our job will always be to keep our minds and hearts attentive to why God makes us a temple in the first place: to receive God's love and to return it by sharing it with others: our families and close circles of friends, our collaborators at work, the needy on the street, in the hospitals, soup kitchens, classrooms, or at any cross-roads we come to. God made us because God loves us. With that love comes a call: to be holy, prayerful, and ready to love others, even to the point of sacrificing ourselves for their sake. This call enables God to reach out, through us, with love for them and to help them become Holy. This is how the Kingdom of God grows." - by Kevin Kersten, S.J.

A message from Phil St. Romain, Internet Ministry Coordinator of "A Daily Spiritual Seed"
"- - - Several ways you can support our Internet ministry:
a. Pray for us and for those make use of our services (that includes you, of course).
b. Tax-deductible donation or subscription: see http://shalomplace.com/seed/donations.html(check payment information provided).
A special gratitude gift will be sent to all donors/subscribers.
c. Purchase an Amazon.com gift card:
- http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00067L6TQ/?tag=christianspiritu "

"God made us because God loves us."

A Prayer Request

2011-11-17T19:10:00.000-08:00

My blog-friend Robin, newly-ordained minister of the Word and the mother of Josh, Matt and Marissa, writer of the Metanioa and Gannet Girl blogs, is undergoing surgery (mastectomy for breast cancer) tomorrow morning. If you are a praying person, would you please hold Robin, her family and her medical team in your hearts and prayers? If you do not think of yourself as a praying person, could you send light and love and healing intention to them (same thing as prayer, in my book)? Thank you very much.

And while we're on the subject, I will add a request for prayers for blogger Kay as she recovers from a mastectomy, and blogger Allegra as she recovers from chemotherapy. Thank you!

Been Working

2011-11-17T17:37:00.000-08:00

Wow! It's been a busy week. Gregg returned from 12 days in Spain and Italy on Saturday evening. I was very glad to see him again!

Yes, that IS the Vatican behind him. He travelled to Seville (Spain), and then on to Italy: Rome, Foggia, Naples, then back to Rome and home. He brought me a beautiful rosary from Rome, for which I'm thankful.

On Monday, I went to Seattle to pick up our friend, Charlotte, and deliver quilts to the hospital with her help. We were able to find her husband Fred's name on the wall plaque which honors memorial donations. You may recall that Fred passed away in June, and his family requested that memorial gifts be made to Katie's Endowment at Seattle Children's Hospital. Many generous gifts have been made in Fred's memory.

It was a pleasure to introduce Charlotte to some of the staff, and then to take her to lunch at a nice Italian restaurant nearby. Charlotte is excellent company, has a great sense of humor, is up-to-the minute on current issues and always a stimulating conversationalist. She gets up at 5:30 A.M. every day to work out at the gym - and she is a contemporary of my parents'!

While we were at the hospital, we had a chat with Jane Humphries, a board member of the Guild Association who is also known as "the Blanket Lady." Jane hands out blankets to the hospital's patients, so she is very much "hands-on" with our guild's work. She told us that the hospital is going to need about 100 blankets for the holiday season, for children who have to stay in the hospital during the holidays. That was a challenge to our guild! So I am putting the word out to all who might like to donate funds, time, talent or materials so that we can help to raise 100 holiday-themed blankets for patients at Seattle Children's Hospital! And this week, I have pinned five blankets that are now ready to sew.

A plumber was here for over two hours today ($200+ !) to do various repairs that we have been waiting to combine into one visit. You know how it costs so much for the first hour? That made us want to get several things done at once, so we don't pay for the entire hour and only have 15 minutes worth of work for him to do. Well, he was busy today.

While the plumber plumbed, I made brochures for a very kind new friend of our guild to share with her professional association. She has put information at her place of business (Kenneth L. Salon in Poulsbo), but now she is going to spread the word farther. Thank you, Paige!

I have been watching hours of our family-centered care video, and making notes to suggest edits for it. Paul has done a wonderful job of cutting it so far. It was not that difficult to get used to it, though I want to re-shoot the very beginning - nervousness was clearly showing.

I'm getting very tired of looking at that face, and that blouse - 3+ hours of video!

But I am quite excited about what we have captured. It has a message, and it has meaning, beyond just our family's story. It gives a voice to doctors and other staff who typically are NOT interviewed. I could listen to them all day, and ask more questions. In fact, that was one of the best parts: inviting them to open up and tell their stories, and listening. Their stories are enlightening, and I think they will bless others.

So Paul will take my suggestions and work with them, and then we will submit it to a seasoned professional in the business, who is going to give us her opinions. We are very fortunate to have that offer.

I have been working and working on the book's cover design - it's still a work in progress. The interior design is basically complete. I am awaiting a full, digital proof on which to make FINAL changes. Then another short wait, and it will be ready to post on www.amazon.com! I'll be sure to let you know when that happens.

A Lump - A Cyst

2011-11-12T13:47:00.000-08:00

I spent an hour or so with my primary-care physician yesterday, being examined, because on Wednesay, I found a lump in my left breast.
It is a cyst. It is benign. There is no reason for worry. But between Wednesday and yesterday, when I saw my doctor, a lot of thoughts went through my mind.

Several of my friends have survived breast cancer; some of my friends and acquaintances have died from it. Because I know people who are in treatment for it right now, I did not want to mention this, or have any kind of drama around it, especially as I knew it might be just a cyst. I have had cysts before, which has meant having follow-up scans after mammograms, and even a core biopsy, during which they placed a clip in my left breast (for future reference). No cancer, but every time a lump is discovered, anxiety arises.

I wish that breasts were not a source of so much anxiety, now that I'm in what is commonly called "mid-life." Whenever I find a lump, I start to feel as if my chest has two ticking time-bombs on it. I don't want to view any part of my body that way, but it's hard not to feel anxiety when we are told to check them every month, and to come in immediately if we find anything. Is there any other part of the body which is considered so "dangerous," so potentially hazardous? - and yet, also such a beautiful part of the human form! It is a topic that is front and center (pun intended) with a lot of women nowadays.

Gregg enjoying art in Paris

One of the most interesting things about this whole episode is the fact that, though I don't want to have cancer, I am not much concerned about how long I get to live. I have strong feelings about wanting to die painlessly (preferably in my sleep, and before Gregg), but the length of my years is not a real issue with me. I've had a good life and many blessings, so I wasn't worried about dying as much as I was worried about putting my family through the cancer journey again. I definitely do not want David, Gregg or my parents to have to go through that - and I don't want to go through it, either. I'm aware that what I want is of little consequence, so I just tried to stay in the present moment and enjoy that moment, telling myself that whatever comes up, God is with me and will be with me in it. It wasn't easy - I kept having to remind myself that in this moment, everything is okay. And it is, and I am grateful. I wish it were so for everyone.

Prayer candles in Notre Dame de Paris

Sending love and prayers for blessing, healing and comfort to Kay, Robin, Allegra, Panda & Leslie - and all who are in treatment for any kind of cancer.

Chillin' with Chili and Camp Friends

2011-11-06T16:38:00.000-08:00

On Friday, I hosted a little chili party here. It was great - one of those evenings when you smile so much that your face hurts.
The party started around 1:00 P.M. when Leslie came over on the ferry from Seattle. I met Leslie through Camp Goodtimes West. She has been a staff member there for a number of years, and we just "clicked." Leslie is one of the sweetest, kindest, most mature, compassionate, independent - and wickedly funny - young women I know...and she's gorgeous, too!

Leslie, by Paul Dudley

Leslie and I had a few hours of "girl-talk time" before our other friends arrived for dinner. Heidi, Paul, Miles, Alex, Ann Marie and Chad all came bearing beverages, desserts, salad and great good humor. It felt wonderful to have them all here together. They have been friends and colleagues for many years.

Mooselips & Pineapple (Camp names)

Mooselips & Chad, a.k.a. "Putt-Putt"

Ann Marie, a.k.a. "Watermelon" has known Paul & Heidi since she was a young girl.

Heidi a.k.a. Mrs. Mooselips, Poodle-lips & Watermelon

This is one of my favorite photos of Paul. It was just chili, I promise!

I'll even share the recipe with you. This recipe is the only thing I kept from my first marriage (my ex was kind enough to share it with me after we split). It's my favorite chili - more meat than beans, with a velvety sauce. I took liberties and improvised widely with it on Friday, which I'll describe to you here. But first, the basic recipe:

TL's Chili (now that I think about it, this was LC's Dad's Chili, originally)

3 lbs. sirloin (or stew meat)

2 TBSP. oil

2 - 3 cloves garlic

4 - 6 TBSP. Chili powder

2 tsp. Cumin

3 TBSP. flour

1 TBSP. oregano

2 cans beef broth (13+ ounces each)

1 tsp. salt

1/4 tsp. pepper

1 can pinto beans (15 oz.)

"Brown the meat first and combine all ingredients in a slow cooker. Cook at least 3 - 4 hours, until the meat is very tender. Add the beans about 1 hour before cooking is complete. Enjoy!"*

Reading through this, I realized that I always improvise on the recipe. So here's how I do it:

- Cut the meat into bite-sized cubes. Brown it in the oil. Put the meat, spices and beans together in the crockpot.

- I always use at least 4 cans of beans, and I like variety - red beans, kidney, black beans, etc.

- I use "Better Than Bouillion," a hearty paste (available at Costco) to which you add water, rather than canned soup.

- I used fresh oregano this time - about 3 TBSP. of it.

- I don't like cumin, so I use half of the amount in the recipe.

- I omitted the salt and pepper - unnecessary, with the salt in the canned beans.

- I added cinnamon and allspice (can't recall how much).

- This time, I put in about half a bar (2 oz. or so) of dark chocolate. I used "Lindt Excellence Chili Dark" and "Ghirardelli Premium 100% Cacao Unsweetened Baking Chocolate." Oh my goodness, it made all the difference to this recipe - it gave the chili a rich, velvety-smooth quality, without sweetness. Reminded me of a mole sauce.

* It's more delicious if you serve condiments with this chili: lime wedges, shredded cheese and plain yogurt (or sour cream).

You could combine different types of chili powders. I'd want to learn more about their qualities before I did that, but it's an intriguing idea.

I made cornbread (Bob's Red Mill) and honey-butter to go with the chili. Heidi made a wonderful bibb lettuce salad and TWO desserts: pear tart with pear-brandy whipping cream and a molten chocolate cake - both utterly delicious.

I would not have known about Camp Goodtimes West (and therefore, would not know Chad, AMO or Leslie) if it were not for Paul, who has volunteered at camp for the past 25+ years. He persuaded us to send David and Katie in the summer of 2007, just before she relapsed, and they had a great time. Because they attended camp (it's free of charge for the patient and a sibling, by the way), we now have these wonderful, precious young people in our lives. There are many more staff from camp who are dear to my heart, and we'll have to do this again, and include as many of them as possible. They are a rowdy, freewheeling, compassionate bunch, and I treasure them.

I'm grateful to God for Camp Goodtimes West, and for good times with good friends!

Girl Talk

2011-11-01T17:21:00.000-07:00

Well, I could call it "female talk." It's about "the change," as in "change of life." Did I lose some of you, just by saying that? Do you dislike those euphemisms as much as I do? They're so weak. Yet I don't want this blog to rev up any oddball search engines, so it's euphemisms or ****.

I'm going through the change, full-on these days. I thought that I started the process back in October of 2001 when I had surgery. It turns out that that was just a tiny bit of what was in store for me...now, this is the real thing. I won't bore you with all of the symptoms, but I do want to tell you that hot flashes are not for sissies.

It's as if the devil has taken up residence inside of one and poured oil and gas on the fire - and people - those of you who are still reading - this woman is almost ALWAYS cold. The sensation is a kind of instant flash-flood of heat that awakens one in the middle of the night, or causes one to literally soak one's clothes with sweat for no apparent reason, at random moments during the day. Even your face and scalp are not exempt. And then a few minutes later, it's back to normal...except you're wiped out and wondering, What just happened here?

I experienced this last week as never before. Listening to a talk in the packed-to-the-aisles cathedral, I became drenched, and simply HAD to fan myself as surreptitiously as possible with a program. The sweet young man sitting next to me gently took over, fanning me with HIS program, and saying, "You're making yourself hotter by doing that." It was so chivalrous of him. He tenderly inquired how I was feeling when the talk was over. I was fine, by then - embarrassed, but back to my normal temperature.

If we could harness these sudden bursts of energy, I wonder what we could do with them. Scientists, any ideas?

My mother has been advising me to see my doctor about it, but it's such a normal part of the process of menopause that I didn't want to consult my doctor - and I don't want to take hormones. So when Laura & I were in Portland visiting the Super Supplements store, I asked a staff member about natural remedies, and lo and behold, an item I've heard about was recommended. It sounds like something that belongs in a witch's cauldron - black cohash - but I tried it, and it helped IMMEDIATELY. As in, the first day I took it, I felt better and have had only one or two flashes per day since I started taking it last week. So far, so good!

I will tell my doctor about this eventually, but for now, sweet relief in an herbal remedy is the good news here. I also found some great nutritional supplements and learned more about what Laura has discovered. Check out her "Live Healthy" blog on my sidebar if you're interested.

*****

On a totally unrelated subject, last week Gregg and I took a walk through our town. I love the fact that Gregg and his parents grew up here, before I even knew they existed. We were walking past the Lion's Park where our children loved to play when they were little, and we stopped to use the "facilities" (another useful euphemism).

The park needed an update a number of years ago, so the town launched a campaign in which you could go to the local pottery-painting studio (The Dancing Brush) and buy a tile to help raise funds. Townspeople were invited to make their handprints and write their names on the tiles. We bought two - one for David and one for Katie - and I re-discovered them on the wall last week.

I love knowing that both of our children have signs of their presence around our town.

Quick Trip to Portland

2011-10-31T11:26:00.000-07:00

I had the privilege of making a quick trip to Portland, Oregon last week with my dear friend, Laura (a.k.a. Smiley Girl of Live Happy and Live Healthy blogs). We drove down on a sunny Tuesday morning and arrived to stay in a beautiful hotel which was new to me: The Nines. We had a gorgeous room thanks to Laura's dear husband, Tom. Apparently, the Pioneer Woman also stayed here at one time, and posted about it on her blog (thanks for the tip, Lynora!), so I will refer you to her posting for photos, etc.

My favorite Franciscan priest, Fr. Richard Rohr, was speaking in Portland about his new book, "Falling Upward" and about Sacred Balance in contemplation (prayer) and action. We were able to attend the book talk and signing on Tuesday evening, and the Sacred Balance talk (part of the Collins Lecture series at Trinity Episcopal Cathedral) on Wednesday eve. That left our days free to roam the city, visit friends, and talk.

I haven't left Gregg to take an overnight trip for many years. He is perfectly capable of being on his own, and I am, too, but I haven't done it. He travels occasionally for his work, and I'm used to that, but when it comes to opportunities to go off on my own, I simply haven't taken them. One could make the case that, though I love to travel and I do get out and about on my own, I have become a little bit home-bound, emotionally.

Home is where I have felt the most safety and solace, since moving away in 2006 - 2007 to deal with Katie's cancer diagnosis. Though safety is largely an illusion in this life, solace is real - and tangibly intangible. For me, great solace is here, at home, in view of the saltwater which I've loved all my life. The salty and moist air, the trees reflected in water, seabird-calls abounding in the silence, and the smell of the sea...all of these mean "home," to me.

When we moved suddenly to Seattle in October of 2006, I was terribly homesick, but that feeling was way down on the low end of the list of priorities. We were facing a life-threatening illness, so homesickness was kind of like a hangnail, by comparison. Triage - what's a little discomfort? Who cares that you don't have space, your familiar things around you, the comforts of a home design which you and your husband worked to bring about? It doesn't matter at all in the face of your child's illness. But when we got to return to live in our home, a kind of heart-healing began in me and in Katie (I can't speak for the guys on this topic). So I haven't felt the need to venture out on my own.

This trip showed me that it's time to go ahead and do it. It was energizing. We had fun. We talked and talked about everything under the sun. We laughed. We slept in. We ate well - Laura is becoming an expert on healthy eating, and she shared some of her knowledge with me. We shopped - mostly browsing - and we walked through the city and along the riverfront for miles. My car was a dream to drive, the sky was blue and the trees were turning color, the air was crisp and there was NO traffic! These blessings were richly enjoyed.

We were able to visit friends, Grazia, B.Loved and Allegra - you may have seen Allegra's blog, "And So the Garden Grows" on my sidebar. We were blessed by all of these people, and then, we were blessed to share the riches of words of faith, love and freedom spoken by Fr. Rohr in his talks.

Allegra has been very ill for the past month. She is taking treatments for some medical conditions and hasn't been out of her home except to see the doctors. She and B.Loved generously made time for us to come and see them. I was frankly surprised - and thrilled - to see her up and dressed, her skin looking like that of a woman half her age. She greeted us and took us into her atelier, where she makes the most original, inspired and gorgeous custom jewelry. B.Loved pampered us with treats and freshly-brewed coffee, and the puppies lavished us with affection.

Here is Allegra's birthday gift to me, which took my breath away.

Miriam Haskell Butterfly ca. 1930s, with hand-faceted blue topaz (Katie's birthstone) briolette

I have often thought of getting a tattoo, an idea which Gregg and David oppose vigorously. This butterfly is, I think, in lieu of that tattoo. It is the perfect symbol of Katie's spirit in its new form, reflecting light, love, friendship and transcendence. Love is indeed stronger than death. Thank you, Allegra & B.Loved!

Thank you, Laura, for a wonderful trip. You are a fabulous traveling companion, and I enjoyed every minute of our adventure.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, everyone!

Joyful Weekend

2011-10-17T16:35:00.000-07:00

I am joyful. We had a weekend filled with reasons for gratitude and celebration.

Reason # 1 is that David arrived Friday night to spend a 3-day weekend with us. We haven't seen him since late August, so it felt wonderful to hug him, listen & talk to him, cook for him, and - yes - even to wash his clothes. He had just finished taking his mid-term exams.

We enjoyed knowing that he was sleeping in his double bed, and had his own bath all to himself. It was good to give him a little spoiling after his efforts at university. He is on the road now, on his way back to school, driving two other students with him.

Drs. B. and their twin 12-year old sons ("the Dudes") arrived on Saturday to go to Port Townsend with us. We usually make this trip with them during the summer, but the combination of David's work schedule and theirs conspired to prevent it, so it was moved to autumn.

We were very happy to see them pull into our driveway in their van. They had with them an exchange student, their guest for this year (a son of their friends) from the Central African Republic. "Gogo" was shy in the beginning, but by the end of the day he was smiling, laughing and having a good time. We packed a picnic lunch, and set out in two cars: David drove Gogo & the Dudes, and Tom & Marisa (the Drs. B.) drove Gregg and me. It was a beautiful day for a trip across Hood Canal and up to Jefferson County - clear blue sky and changing leaf colors. Lots of chatting happened in both cars.

After our picnic in the park, we began our walk up to the bunkers with the B's dog, Spooky. Marisa and Gregg and I sat in a sunny spot, overlooking the Strait of Juan de Fuca, while Tom, Gogo, David and the Dudes played a raucous game of tag in the bunkers. This has become their tradition over the past four years, and it's such fun to listen and watch them play. Huge bald eagles soared past our spot, the sun shone on the waters of the Strait, and the view across to Whidbey Island and Canada was breathtaking.

We walked through the park to two other sets of bunkers, so that the game of tag could continue and stay fresh and exciting. The vistas from the various places are simply staggering, especially on a clear, crisp, breezy autumn day. It is a blessing that the Park Service maintains these treasures (Fort Worden, Fort Flagler and Fort Casey) for the public's enjoyment.

When everyone had enough of "tag," we walked along the sandy beach and encountered two wedding parties, on our way back to the cars. We drove to town so the hungry ones could refuel at Elevated Ice Cream Company with a cone or a frozen, chocolate-dipped banana. Then I called Kim at Burrata Bistro & Paella Bar to see if she could accomodate our party of eight. She could, so we headed back to Poulsbo.

Last weekend, Gregg and I bumped into Dr. J. and his wife while out for a walk. It was great to have a chance to catch up with them. Dr. J. was a resident (doctor in training) with the Drs. B., "back in the day." Knowing this, I spontaneously invited Dr. J. and his family to join us when the Bs were visiting.

In the car on the way to the restaurant, I had a message from Dr. J: yes, they could join us - so a quick call to Burrata added four more to our dinner party. Kim, Alfonso and their staff welcomed our lively dozen, and treated us royally.

Dinner lasted over three hours - a feast that included appetizers, wine, entrees and desserts. Stories were told of the doctors' days in residency; new information was exchanged, and the kids got acquainted with each other. It was great fun.

While lying in bed before falling asleep that night, tears flowed into my pillow. I was overwhelmed with the joy of the day, the fellowship, good humor, exhilaration of pleasure in fresh air and open spaces, the beauty of nature, the reunion of old friends and the gift of new ones, wonderful food and drink, laughter and the ability to be part of it.

It all happened because of Katie - we would never know these good people if she hadn't fallen ill. It's a terrible irony, because she would have loved the entire day - and of course, I wish she had been with us - but we were all together because of her. So perhaps my tears were the mingling of that intense gratitude, joy and longing for her. I don't know.

Yesterday, David and Gregg played tennis, and then visited Gregg's parents at the retirement home. Last night, we hosted my parents for dinner so that they could visit with David before they fly south for the winter. Gregg barbecued David's favorite (filet mignon from Costco), and Alaskan salmon which Mom & Dad contributed. It was a fun feast...and a good way to end a joyful weekend.

We Have Initiated the Launch Sequence

2011-10-13T12:08:00.000-07:00

I just submitted my manuscript (and photos) to CreateSpace.

I filled out a simple design questionnaire, and will continue to work on the cover design.

We have initiated the launch sequence... here's to liftoff!

In Case You Weren't With Us...

2011-10-11T22:11:00.000-07:00

...here is the video from the Ben Towne Foundation BENefit last month:

benefit 2011 highlight video from ben towne foundation on Vimeo.

...featuring Carin & Jeff Towne, and Dr. Julie Park, who was Katie's - and Ben's - oncologist.
Here is a photo of Gregg and me with my mom & dad at the BENefit:

(There were lots of other nice people there, but I don't have permission to post their photos here.)

I've been working on my book today, and made a pork roast with carmelized onions (cut along the grain the way you told us, Allegra) and apples, Calvados and apple cider. It was delicious, if I do say so.

Art & a Weekend Vacation

2011-10-10T10:04:00.000-07:00

I love this quote. Calligraphy and painting by our friend, Gerry Fulton

Well, it felt like a vacation, but it was really just a good weekend.

It started with a relaxing dinner out with my parents on Friday night. After dinner, we stopped by the Bargain Boutique to see the display of Katie's Comforters Guild's three quilts, which will be up for auction soon.

Gregg and I have been talking about exploring our state's capitol city, Olympia, for nearly a year now. We stopped there with that intention last year, when we were on our way to Portland, but it was raining buckets that day, so we decided to try again in better weather. The day we chose was Saturday, and it turned out to be a great choice.

We started by driving the "back way," down Highway 101 on the west side of Hood Canal. Hood Canal is really not a canal (it was misnamed back in the day, just as Poulsbo was supposed to be named Paulsbo). Our first house was on northeastern shore of Hood Canal, and we love the area.

We saw lots of farms, and fall colors starting to appear in the deciduous trees; we passed oyster farms and stopped at the Hoodsport Winery. It's a little place which you might miss, if you were in a hurry, but we didn't, because we weren't in a hurry - the point of this trip was to enjoy the ride and all of the sights. We tasted three of their wines, and purchased a bottle of dessert wine (which we plan to serve tonight to our parents, with apple-peach cobbler).

Back on the road, we connected with I-5 and found our way to the downtown area of Olympia. Parking is free on Saturday - yippee! - and they were having an ArtWalk. It was the perfect day to visit - not too hot, sunny, and the locals were out in force. There were street vendors selling all kinds of art, clothing, and food, craftspeople making metal sculpture and paintings, a farmer's market, live music (LOUD) and many fascinating-looking people, artfully dressed.

We walked all through the grid of downtown streets, made our way to the waterfront and savored the boardwalk's views and investigated antique shops; after a couple of hours of walking, we sat down to enjoy a glass of wine, a beer and hummus plate during Happy Hour at a pub/restaurant. We had a great table from which we could view the street scene and all of the passersby, which was fun, but we had one of the most inhospitable servers I've ever encountered. She clearly didn't know that it was Happy Hour, and acted as if she was irritated to have to serve us. She neglected our request for water, over-charged us for our food and stood by her decision, so she got a very tiny tip, reflecting Gregg's feelings about her "service" (if I hadn't been there, she would have received no tip at all). After that, we were ready to leave town, so we headed back home. It's a drive of a couple of hours, so we stopped for a bite to eat before arriving home - and the service was just right in our local pub. A great date - a movable feast!

Yesterday, we started the day with a refreshing walk, and then worked in our yard. Gregg and I are not avid gardeners. We love our place, but we aren't the types who can't wait to get out and dig in the dirt. So when I asked him what he wanted for his birthday this year, he said "A day of yardwork from Jorge and his crew." We laughed about this - is it a sign of our "maturity" (middle age) that this is his idea of a great birthday gift? In any case, the crew arrived on Saturday and did a great job of pruning, raking, weeding, etc.

Sea grasses and salal cut back.

After our walk and a bit of lunch, Gregg and I decided to do some yard work ourselves. It was actually fun - we didn't do too much, and we had the reward of seeing results from our efforts.

Boxwood pruned by Jorge & co. I removed the mint at the bottom of the rock wall. I did leave two sprigs, because I hate to see it go. I love mint!

I took on the task of cutting back the mint and lavender (both of which I love having in our garden), while Gregg mowed the lawn and cut down a dead vine maple tree. We felt good about our accomplishments, and the yard now looks ready for winter...except for the fact that the hydrangeas are FINALLY blooming - a few months late, but it's SO nice to see the lovely blue blossoms!

Looking down from the deck on the lavender bed. It didn't look good this year, so I pruned the heck out of each plant, in hopes that they will grow back nicely.

We made a big decision (for us) this week, to purchase a painting which we've been admiring for several years. Heather Andersen is the sister of our friends, Heidi & Paul. She is a talented painter, in addition to the fact that she has a full-time job. Heather and her husband Eric have written a wonderful book called "Remember, I Can't Remember) about caring for a loved one with dementia, based upon their experiences of caring for their grandmother. I highly recommend the book.

We are taking the plunge and buying this painting from Heather:

Painting by Heather Andersen

Since I'm writing about paintings, I thought I'd show you the two which we inherited from my grandparents. They are my favorites of the ones Nana had in her home.

Paris street scene - the sky and wet road remind me of our winters here.
The warmth of color in that flower stall is a welcome sight!

I love this image of the Tour Eiffel and the River Seine. The sky reminds me of the changing nature of spring weather. I had the walls of our dining room painted to simulate this sky.

Lastly, in preparing Gregg's parents' home for its new owners, we had to move some furniture out. I loaned them my great-great-grandparents' sideboard many years ago, and it is now back at home with us, serving as our hall table.

Yes, this belonged to my great-grandmother's parents - I even have a photo of them playing cards, with this piece in the background.

Art is a gift that enriches our lives, whether you find it in nature, in a painting, furniture, a street fair, museum, in a book or online. Through books and the internet, art is freely available to everyone - we don't have to own art to appreciate and enjoy it. I hope you find pleasure in these works of art that have special meaning to us.

Interviews

2011-10-07T08:36:00.000-07:00

The past two weeks have been a whirlwind of activity, veering back and forth between fast and slow, and packed with significance. It is still hard to believe some days that this is my life.

Two Mondays ago, Paul and I went to Seattle Children's Hospital to interview two staff members: Karen, a chaplain, and Dr. Cohen, the heart surgeon, both of whom were very important in Katie's cancer journey.

Karen Taliesin is a gifted minister, open to all kinds of spirituality, who brings love and peace into the room when she enters. She was a lifeline to me in the hospital - a representative of God's loving, courageous, humorous presence in the midst of the craziness that is pediatric cancer. She was one of the few people whose presence was acceptable to Katie, and who brought peace. Those 10 months would have been much darker without Karen. She consented to be interviewed on camera, and it was a pleasure to be with her again and hear what she has to say.

Dr. Gordon Cohen is a brilliant pediatric heart surgeon. He removed the part of the tumor which was in Katie's heart. Discovering that her entire inferior vena cava was full of tumor and had to be removed, he re-fashioned a connection for her blood to flow using her own tissue. He repairs the hearts of the tiniest infants, too, and he does it very well indeed.

Dr. Cohen agreed to speak with us on camera, but instead of beginning our session at 10:00 A.M., he was called into surgery, and was delayed until 2:00 P.M. There are not a lot of people in the world who can do what he does, so when he is called, he goes to help. And we were glad to wait for him; we feel strongly that videotape is not as important as pediatric heart surgery!

Dr. Cohen spoke to us candidly for 45 minutes on camera, and for some time afterward, off-camera. He took me right back to Katie's surgery, and it was painful, but for the purposes of our video, it was vitally important. The same feelings arose when listening to Dr. Waldhausen - I was back with Katie, and her life was in grave danger - but she was still alive, with hope for recovery. It is hard to re-visit those memories.

Yesterday, Paul and I interviewed our last subject: Amy, Katie's wonderful hospice nurse. Amy brought peace and comfort into our lives when all hope for recovery had receded, replaced by prayers for mercy, love and an easy death. Our prayers were answered, with God's (and Amy's) help.

As I sat with Amy, her words took me right back to the days of Katie's dying - the four weeks of uncertainty, and the painful steps involved in accepting that we had to let Katie go as easily as we could. Reading and signing the "Do Not Resuscitate" form. Learning about medications we hoped we would never have to use. Facing each day with the purpose to be and provide whatever Katie needed, no matter what happened.

At one point, I thought I was going to be sick. It came over me suddenly, a wave of deep nausea, and I had to pray to get through it without vomiting, as the cameras were rolling and Amy was speaking. It passed, but the feeling shocked me. After four years, the power of those events is buried in my psyche and my body on a deep level. I do not re-visit Katie's dying process in detail in my mind. Going through it once was horrific, yet sacred; remembering it in detail yesterday was just plain horrific...but it is worth it, to do this work.

We are thankful to each interviewee for his/her time, dedication and generosity of spirit in remembering these events and sharing his/her thoughts and feelings about it, more than four years later. Now, we move on to the editing of all of these pieces.

Through the process of listening to others, I have been gifted with many deep truths and passionate feelings in their words. This work raises many questions in me, and it stirs a desire to ask more questions and listen more deeply to those who accompany us in our darkest moments. They possess a wealth of knowledge and experience that cannot be duplicated, and it deserves to be preserved and heard. Who knows where the path leads next? I can only leave that up to God and take the step that is right in front of me now.

Think on These Things

2011-10-05T08:40:00.000-07:00

"For many years, at great cost, I traveled through many countries, saw the high mountains, the oceans. The only things I did not see were the sparkling dewdrops in the grass just outside my door." - Rabindranath Tagore

The most recent postings from Fr. Rohr at CAC have been gifts to me. Here, I pass those gifts on to you:

"I think what modern men and women lack is a deep sense of belonging. That sense of belonging is given to you by God from your very birth, and then it is mirrored to you in the natural world—if you are looking and listening. In nature you can overcome your sense of separateness or alienation—and know you are a part of the whole...Franciscan spirituality...is founded on a very positive image of human nature and all of creation, “original blessing” instead of original sin.

"There is a kind of therapy that I’d like to call 'proactive' therapy, in which you don’t try to heal your wounds afterwards. Instead, you rely on your inherent connection with everything and are healed ahead of time into a kind of 'hidden wholeness,' as Thomas Merton called it...you find that it is a good world and you also are inherently good, not because you are independently perfect (you never will be!), but because you belong to the Whole—that is always and deeply good and perfect in its Wholeness (the pleroma, or “fullness” of Colossians 1:19-20)..."

"We all have to be mirrors...not just for nature, but for one another—and especially for those who cannot see the bud of possibility within them, those who hate themselves, those who’ve been abused, those who’ve been imprisoned, those who think they are no good, those who’ve been discriminated against—anyone who feels unworthy in one way or another.

"Those are the ones that we have to positively mirror like Francis mirrored the sow. We must 're-teach all things their loveliness.' That could be your one and only life calling!"

Fr. Richard Rohr, In the Footsteps of Francis: Awakening to Creation

What a calling that is! It can be done from home, from a hospital bed, a wheelchair, a corporate boardroom, an airplane, the street, a shopping mall, a hiking trail, a courtroom, a retirement home, a pulpit - it can be practiced anywhere.

"Brothers and sisters:
Have no anxiety at all, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
make your requests known to God.
Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding
will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters,
whatever is true, whatever is honorable,
whatever is just, whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious,
if there is any excellence
and if there is anything worthy of praise,
think about these things.
Keep on doing what you have learned and received
and heard and seen in me.
Then the God of peace will be with you." - 2 Phil. 4:6-9

Photo: view towards Olympic Mountains and Washington State from Sooke, B.C.

Memories of Katie & the Bible

2011-10-03T19:31:00.000-07:00

Reading the story of Jonah today in the Lectionary reminded me of reading the Bible to David and Katie when they were small. I wanted to teach them about God, but I am not, by nature, a teacher. Though he was baptised and confirmed in the Lutheran church, Gregg was completely turned off of the topic somehow during his experiences growing up, so he was not going to participate in this part of our children's education.

Having grown up in a very rigid religion, and knowing how Gregg felt, I wanted to be sensitive and gentle in teaching my children about God. Relationship with God is so personal that it was not easy for me to know how to introduce David and Katie to this Person, this Being, and the relationship they have with Him/Her. We attended church, took them to Sunday School, and I participated in church activities with them. I bought Bibles with stories written for children, books on prayer for children, and I tried to keep my words brief and simple. But it always felt a little odd to speak to them about something that is mystical; it is hard to communicate such things with words. I did the best I could to convey what I felt or understood.

I found that nature was a great teacher, and a living illustration of God in action. For example, when she was nearly four and a half years old, I tried using the analogy of the wind to illustrate something about God with Katie:

Karen: God is invisible

Katie: He is real!

Karen: Yes, but you cannot see Him. He is like the wind…. You can see what it does to things, you can feel it, but you can’t see it. You can’t smell God, either.

Katie: I smelled him

Karen: Really? What did he smell like?

Katie: Like raspberry. He had a raspberry bubble bath.

I also discovered a wonderful book by Sister Wendy Beckett called "A Child's Book of Prayer in Art," which was helpful. There are masterpieces of art with some text explaining them, and a simple prayer for each work. It is a beautiful way to integrate the Biblical ideas and images, and it is appropriate for the attention span of a child. As a woman with a degree in fine art, I loved it, too.

As far as I can recall, Katie's favorite was the painting by Domenico Ghirlandaio called Portrait of an Old Man & a Young Boy:

It's interesting to me, because Katie was very visual, highly sensitive to appearances and beauty. She loved to stare at people and study them. The heading of this particular chapter in Sister Wendy's book is "Love," and the prayer is,

"Teach me to accept other people with love as you do.

Help me to take other people as they are and

never be cruel or unkind, whatever they look like."

We also had a book of children's Bible stories, and the one she wanted me to read over and over again was the story about Esther. I don't know if it was the 12 months of beauty treatments and the presentation to the king which appealed to Katie, or the fact that Esther was chosen out of obscurity and became queen, or whether it was the fact that Esther saved her people, which appealed to Katie. I wish I knew; I only know that she liked to hear that story again and again.

Today's devotional from Fr. Rohr contains words about St. Francis of Assisi:
"Francis is always telling [creatures] that by their very existence they are inherently giving glory to God. All things should be who they truly are, and that is enough...Each creature has a unique thing to do in the circle of life, and in that simple performance it is giving glory to a unique aspect of God and making us happy besides..." - From In the Footsteps of Francis: Awakening to Creation

That is Good News indeed: unconditional love.

I'm grateful that I had the opportunity to share the Bible, my faith and the love of God with our children. I pray that it helped - and still helps them - in every path they travel.

When Katie was dying, she asked me about life after death, and I did my best to explain what I had read, heard, and felt to be true. Now, I look forward to seeing Katie again, and learning what she knows of all of these things.

"Thanks a Million"

2011-09-30T08:02:00.000-07:00

...that's what the note from the Ben Towne Foundation said this morning.
The BENefit on Friday raised $900,000 and a check in that amount was delivered yesterday to Seattle Children's Hospital's Center for Childhood Cancer Research.
That brings the total given to pediatric cancer research by the Ben Towne Foundation in 2011 to
ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
$1,000,000 given directly to research.
Thank you, Carin & Jeff, and all of the donors!
I think Ben, Katie, Jenna, Carter & Zachary must all be cheering in heaven
(and thanks to everyone for your kind comments about the video in the post below.)

The foundation just posted this new video:

Dr. Michael Jensen and the Center for Childhood Cancer Research from ben towne foundation on Vimeo.

The Ben Towne Foundation BENefit, 2011

2011-09-28T09:58:00.000-07:00

benefit 2011 Feature Video from ben towne foundation on Vimeo.

On Friday night, Gregg and I attended the Ben Towne Foundation's 2nd Annual BENefit at the Sheraton Hotel in Seattle. We had lots of company - there were around 900 people in attendance! Gregg & I attended the fabulous inaugural (launch) party last year, and helped out at the registration table. I think they had double the attendance of their first year on Friday.

We met Carin and Jeff Towne, Ben's parents, through one of Katie's nurses - Shauna, one of her favorites - who took care of both Katie and Ben. Shauna thought that Carin and I might hit it off, and she was right. The four of us (husbands included) have become good friends. (Thanks, Shauna!)

Ben was only two years old when he was diagnosed, on the very day that Katie passed away: August 16, 2007. It's an odd link between our families. Ben had the kind of cancer that the doctors originally thought Katie had (neuroblastoma). He and Katie had the same oncologist, Dr. Julie Park. He was treated for a year and a half before he passed away.

Carin and Jeff started the Ben Towne Foundation to find a cure for pediatric cancer. They have accomplished a mind-boggling amount in the short time the foundation has been up and running, chiefly stimulating the Center for Pediatric Cancer Research at Seattle Children's Hospital to get off the ground, and bringing Dr. Michael Jensen up here to lead its research in immunotherapy.

I'll tell you some of the exceptional things about their foundation.
1) Every single penny that you give goes to pediatric cancer research. Their administrative costs are completely covered by "angels." Check that against any other charity!
2) Their benefits are FUN. There is no auction, no tedious haranguing to purchase things you don't want or need. They have a cocktail party (cocktail attire; no ties for the men), a delicious dinner, an informative speaker (brief), a video, words from Carin & Jeff (always some humor in there) and an "ASK." Then it's over & you get to go home.
3) They know what they are doing, and they do it well.
4) They keep their message simple: it's about getting to a cure sooner, so fewer families have to go through what we have experienced.

One of the special blessings this year was being able to share the event with our family; my parents and brother & sister-in-law sat at our table, as did Gabriele, a blog-reader who is visiting the area from TEXAS! Gabriele also participated in the Run of Hope on Sunday - I'd call that making your vacation into a working, movable, charitable feast - kudos to Gabriele.

My brother & sister-in-law attend a number charity events each year. They have been a big support to us and to Seattle Children's Hospital. I didn't want to ask them to attend another fundraiser, but I did want to share this evening with them, so I invited them. And I know that they enjoyed it - before they left, Jim said that they want to attend next year. That's a wonderful endorsement!

Carin asked Gregg and me to be be in their video presentation this year, to tell Katie's story, along with three other couples telling their children's stories. If you know Gregg, that is worse than being told it's time to go to the dentist. Gregg doesn't like to speak publicly, and he is very private about his grief. But he said "yes," and the result is at the beginning of this post. I am so proud of him, and so thankful that he was beside me sharing Katie's story.

It is a blessing to know the Townes, and to support their foundation's work (which is the same as Katie's Endowment's purpose: to support the Center for Childhood Cancer Research's work).

As soon as the photos and the total amount raised Friday night are available, I'll post them here. Please feel free to share the link to the video - you can help raise awareness & funds!

I'm Writing a Book!

2011-09-16T08:06:00.000-07:00

Yes, you already knew this, but I'm saying it again, because that is the reason I am not here as much as usual...I'm working on a book, and it's taking most of my energy. Well, the book and the video are...that is, the book, the video, the guild, our family, a fundraising event I'm trying to organize, all of the things around the house and garden that need work...you get the idea.

The other thing that really puts a damper on blogging is when my computer goes haywire, as it did this week. Trackpad issues with a Sony Vaio...when you search this on the web, a long list of links pops up. Hmmmmm...I never thought to check such things when I went to purchase a new laptop at Costco. I only knew that two family members have them and are happy with them.

I love Costco, and I appreciate their extended warranty and the concierge service they provide for all of their electronics, for free. It's much better than being in a telephone "chat" with Sony until 1:30 in the morning, believe me. However, my computer still wasn't working until yesterday, when I gave up on "free" help and called "our computer guy," Craig.

I've never met Craig in person, but he has had control over our computers from afar, and has diagnosed and solved every problem we've managed to throw at him - for me, my brother and his business, my dad and (I think) my sister, as well. He's awesome - and he gets paid to be awesome. Yesterday, I called Craig - which I should have done at the outset of the problem.

What do people do who don't have a Craig in their address book (or smartphone)? I wonder. He got us up and running, so we are nearly all set now - just a backup issue to resolve, and we'll be good to go. My trackpad is working. I can write again! Thank you, Craig!

So the book is written, but it needs to be re-formatted and the photos put into a separate file. That is what I'll be doing in the immediate future. I have a publishing team at CreateSpace helping me. It will be listed on Amazon.com when it's complete - and I hope-hope-hope it will be completed by Christmas. You will hear more about it here.

The remaining video interviews have been scheduled; they are with Katie's heart surgeon, the hospital chaplain with whom I felt the closest, and our hospice nurse. Once those interviews are all completed (the first week of October), we will begin the intensive business of editing the many hours of "gold" that Paul has captured.

The charity event is an auction of the quilts (shown in the recent posting here, and in more detail on Katie's Comforters Guild's blog). I want to share the spotlight with other friends who do good work and offer great products, so am trying to pull together a pre-holiday event to showcase their wares. If this all comes together, you'll be hearing about it here.

Close-up of one of the 3 quilts. Look at that beautiful, antique fabric!

- We have a honey-do list that is not of general interest, but it's big, and my honey-doesn't-do most of the items, so I'll be scheduling some helpers.
- Fr. Rohr is going to Portland to speak, and you can guess where I'm going to be when he does!
- The Ben Towne Foundation event is coming up, at which Gregg and I will appear in a brief video program.

Standing in our closet, trying to decide what to wear to the Ben Towne Foundation event.

You can laugh at me, but I've had to create an XL spreadsheet to keep track of all of these things and their individual steps and stages. It's too much for my menopausal brain to handle without visual backup, on the computer and on paper!

I think that's it. I have very little knowledge of what's going on in the news. We haven't seen a movie (in a theater) in months. Allegra's gift is still not finished (I'm at an impasse with the 3-D aspect of it).

Sneak preview for Allegra

But I'm happier than I can remember feeling since Katie got sick, and that's something to write about.

Wishing you and yours a happy weekend!

Liger is almost always happy.

Remember to wear your GOLD gear for September!

"Sing joyfully to the LORD all you lands;
serve the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful song.
Know that the LORD is God;
he made us, his we are;
his people, the flock he tends.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving,
his courts with praise;
Give thanks to him; bless his name.
For he is good:
the LORD, whose kindness endures forever,
and his faithfulness, to all generations."

- Psalm 100

The Spirituality of the 12 Steps

2011-09-16T07:27:00.000-07:00

Somehow, without intending this, I've become an intermittent blogger. This means that when I do get here to write, I have so much to say that it should probably be broken up into several posts.

Here is the first one: an excerpt from Fr. Rohr's book about the spirituality of the 12 Steps. The daily devotionals from CAC have recently been excerpted from this book; they are stirring and encouraging.

We sought through prayer and meditation
to improve our conscious contact with God,
as we understood [God],
praying only for knowledge of [God’s] will for us
and the power to carry that out.
~ Step Eleven of the Twelve Steps

"The word “prayer,” which Bill Wilson rightly juxtaposes with the word “meditation,” is a code word for an entirely different way of processing life. When you “pray,” you are supposed to take off one “thinking cap” and put on another “thinking cap” that will move you from an egocentric perspective—from your own private needs, hurts, angers and memories—to a soul-centric perspective, what Malcolm Gladwell calls “thinking without thinking.”

Prayer is not about changing God, but being willing to let God change us, or as Step Eleven says, “praying only for the knowledge of God’s will.” If you are able to switch minds to the mind of Christ, your prayer has already been answered! That new mind knows, understands, accepts, and sees correctly, widely, and wisely. Its prayers are always answered because they are, in fact, the prayers of God too."

Richard Rohr, Breathing Underwater: Spirituality and the Twelve Steps, pp. 93, 94, 95

Quilts for Auction

2011-09-13T08:13:00.000-07:00

Check out the gorgeous quilts, made of antique fabric, over on Katie's Comforters Guild's blog! They will soon be available for auction!

I looked up from my laptop and this is what I saw:

2011-09-09T16:14:00.000-07:00

...in case you need a closer view:

Beautiful, classic wooden boats are coming to town!

I hope you have a "classic" weekend, too.

Bargain Boutique News

2011-09-09T14:03:00.000-07:00

Please check out what's new at Katie's Comforters Guild's BLOG.

Beautiful Weekend

2011-09-05T21:17:00.000-07:00

This week had gone by like a whirlwind. Since we returned from Spokane, I've been grateful to pick up donations of blankets for Katie's Comforters Guild from four different sources - three of them are exceptional quilts made of little squares of very old fabric, suitable for auction, not for patients. So I am planning a way to share them with the public, making them available for purchase to benefit the guild.

I made some delicious soup (ham with lentils, split peas, barley, zucchini, onion and carrots in a roasted red pepper & tomato base), cleaned the house and had two friends from high school over for a visit. We sat on our deck to chat, and then drove to town, to Paella Bar for lunch and Mora Ice Cream for dessert. We browsed around town and took photos on Katie's bench.

It's amazing to me, after 30 or so years, and all that has happened to the three of us, that we are each still deeply engaged in our relationship with God. Our faith journeys have taken different turns, and the fact that three women who met through church and youth group decades ago, are still deeply connected to things of the Spirit, and can jump in to discuss them with reverence after such a long time apart, is a great blessing.

My parents took us out to a delicious Japanese dinner on Friday, after which we joined friends at a dinner party (already in progress). Guitar music and "night cap" beverages around the fire pit were a great way to kick off the weekend. On Saturday, we hosted Gregg's parents for brunch, and in the evening, Gregg barbecued wild salmon for dinner. While we were eating, the cats decided to raid what was left over on the grill.

Later, we took a sunset kayak ride. Stunning vistas of color fading behind the mountains, seagulls sitting on pilings and calling out over the calm water, neighbors enjoying beach fires and the moon rising to throw its half-light on the water were the reward for our efforts.

Yes, that's me in my kayak

Whenever we get the boats ready to go, and when we return from kayaking, our cats come down to the bulkhead and walk on the beach. They wander around and into the action as if they want to go with us. However, when we put them in the cockpit of the kayaks, they scramble to get out!

Today, Gregg & I drank coffee on the deck and then set out for Port Townsend. When our children were small, we used to take them to a lovely park, like a secret garden, called Chetzemoka Park. It's named for a native American chief, and it has everything one could want in a park: gorgeous views and beach access, play areas for children with great equipment for climbing, digging, sliding, spinning and swinging, a gorgeous flower arbor and a gazebo. It was so beautiful to return to this happy place.

Looking towards Pt. Wilson lighthouse from the beach between Fort Worden & Chetzemoka Park

We walked on the beach, shared a slice of pizza and a frozen, chocolate-dipped banana in town, and then walked to Fort Worden, another favorite park. Then we walked back to Chetzemoka via the beach.

Seagull with Pt. Wilson in the background

After dinner, we took another kayak ride, longer this time, to Lemolo Point. It is a privilege to live in such a beautiful place, to see fish jumping, a seal coming alongside our kayaks, majestic mountains rising over the trees, light reflected in saltwater.

In my kayak near Keyport

All of these gifts sustain us during the long, gray, dark, rainy winters. We savor every moment of sunshine!

Olympic Mountains with sunset, near Keyport

David tells us he is settling in well, and we are thankful for that. Wishing you a happy week!

"Let all your works give you thanks, O LORD,
and let your faithful ones bless you.
Let them discourse of the glory of your Kingdom
and speak of your might.
...The Lord is compassionate toward all his works." - Psalm 145

The Music of Change

2011-09-02T08:40:00.000-07:00

We drove to Gonzaga with David in caravan-style last weekend - he, with a friend, his bike and some things in his car, Gregg and I with the rest of his gear in my car. It was a five-plus hour drive (you may recall last autumn, when I posted about it here) including a ferry ride across the Sound, and a drive through the Cascade Mountains, Snoqualmie Pass, across the Columbia River & through the Columbia Basin to the "Inland Empire."

It's hot out there on the eastern side of the state - nearly 100 degrees last weekend - but dry, so you don't feel as if you're melting quite as rapidly as you would in a humid climate. We had a nice dinner in the setting sun on the patio of a restaurant, slept well (in spite of a mix-up with our room reservation), and got up to take a walk by the river before David awoke in the morning.

After breakfast, we helped him move into his new dorm, which looks very nice indeed. The building has many small study alcoves, a fireplace, with pool, ping-pong and foosball tables, cozy living rooms, well-equipped kitchens and laundry rooms. It is light and welcoming, and everyone we met was nice (which we find is typical for G.U.).

Once the work was done, Gregg, David and cousin Kim went to the golf course for a round of 18 holes. When they finished, we met at Kim's house for dinner with him and Mary, after which David went back to his dorm to continue getting settled. Gregg and I returned to the hotel for the night.

We met David briefly the next day to say "goodbye." It was a totally different experience from Freshman Orientation - he's a sophomore now, and he knows his way around; he has good friends, activities already in the works, and a rigorous class load this semester. David is far more confident and independent than he was as a freshman; we felt completely comfortable leaving him at school on his own.

Miles & David helping to prepare the boat on Argosy's Camp Goodtimes Cruise

The summer flew past, from my perspective. Apart from taking two vacations (to Arizona on his own and Tofino with us), David worked at least 40 hours most weeks, and needed his rest when he was not working. We are grateful that he had a good job with such a wonderful company as Argosy Cruises.

He spent time with a variety of friends, played as much basketball as possible, went kayaking, decided that he liked to relax on our roof when the sun was shining (!), read books, played video games, watched "Top Gear" and stayed up until all hours. Gregg and I found some of his new ways a bit foreign.

I believe that my parents used to call this phenomenon "re-entry." It's quite normal; Gonzaga's website even addressed it last spring, as the school year was ending. I remember having re-entry issues with my own parents, after living out-of-state during my college years.

We allowed David a great deal of independence, understanding that he had grown accustomed to making his own schedule and decisions...and that he had his priorities at the age of 18, which are obviously different from those of a couple of 50-something parents. We loved being with him when it was possible.

There were days when I felt very sad for David's loss of his sister, his closest companion.

I know that, if she had lived, they would have different interests and friends by this time; I know that it isn't our fault that she passed away.
Yet I couldn't help feeling that his life was so much richer when he wasn't the "only child" living at home. I wish Katie was still here for so many reasons, and one of those reasons is for David's sake.

2004 Piano Recital

On his last day at home, David took a break from packing, came downstairs and began spontaneously to play the piano. I nearly wept, hearing him play again. David and Katie took piano lessons from an early age, and David took to the instrument naturally and diligently; he did not need to be pushed to practice. I used to sing along with him sometimes, as he played songs that we both know and love.

2004 Piano Recital

February, 2006 Piano Recital

As David's hands moved over the piano keys on his last day at home this summer, nostalgia for those years when he and Katie were taking lessons swept over me. The simplicity of those times, our joy in their learning to play the instrument, the memory of what it was like to be an intact family, came through the music flowing from my son's fingertips. I sang along with him. I savored the moment, the memories, and prepared to let him go...again.

We are deeply thankful for the gift of David in our lives, and the joy of his presence.

*Wishing all students and teachers a happy, productive and blessed school year!*

AWARENESS Month

2011-08-24T10:26:00.000-07:00

September is Pediatric Cancer Awareness month, in case you didn't know.

In honor of Katie, I ordered a customizable shirt from www.zazzle.com, and it arrived last week. The design looks like this:

Awareness Tree -- CUSTOMIZABLE! by teamunite
Browse Childhood cancer T-Shirts

I love it!
If you'd like to get your own (sweatshirt, t-shirt, mug, etc.) and customize it in honor of someone you love, follow the link and be sure to use the coupon - they're offering 15% discounts right now.
You can also find links to awareness gear at www.cafepress.com and on www.teamunite.net. The wonderful Heide Randall (mother of Jessica, and one of the original 46 Mommas who Shaved for the Brave last September, featured on the Stand Up to Cancer telethon) designed these items, and she did a great job! Thanks a million, Heide!

Busy, Busy Weekend

2011-08-22T23:03:00.000-07:00

Grandpa's Birthday Cake (custom-made at Town & Country Thriftway,
on Bainbridge Island)

We had a busy, busy weekend!

On Thursday, Smiley Girl (a.k.a. Laura of Live Happy) brought seven of her dear relatives over to our side of the Sound. I met them at the ferry, and took a few of the party in my car as we made our way to my town. We had a delicious lunch at Paella Bar, followed by some shopping in downtown Poulsbo. Then we made a quick trip to see the "YaYa House" (where author Rebecca Wells used to live, on our street) and a stop by our house for a visit with Gregg, before they set out for the ferry trip back to the city. I love Laura, and her family is just as warm, fun and friendly as she is - it was such fun to spend the afternoon with them and show them around our little town.

Early on Friday morning, I had a telephone meeting with a consultant from CreateSpace, Amazon.com's self-publishing area. Together, we outlined the next steps in moving my book from manuscript form to a listing on www.amazon.com! But before that happens, a few important things deserve attention, and so our weekend was busy - and fun.

First, I had a lunch date with my dad. We went to the bookstore after lunch, and then to Mora's local ice cream shop, where we sat on a bench in the sun and chatted as we enjoyed our cones. After that, I took Dad home, and Andrea and her beautiful dog, Sam, arrived to stay at our house on Friday night.

Saturday, we hosted Gregg's dad's 90th birthday party here. Andrea and Mike were our co-hosts, and they were fabulous at it.

My dad, BIL Charlie and nephew Mike

Joni, Andrea and her mom, SIL Cheri

Grandma Elaine and cousin Sue

Mike, Katy, Megan, Gregg, Rob, Zoie, Julie, Andrea, Mike, Hollie, Joey & Shannon (in-laws, nieces, nephews, great-great niece, etc.!)

Niece Robin, SIL Linda, nephew Joey & his girlfriend Shannon

Nephews Jim & Joey paddled over to our house from Bainbridge Island on Jim & Joni's paddle boards - quite a feat!
This is David, giving the board a try.

Nephews Jim & Joey, Joey's girlfriend Shannon, Jim's girlfriend Joni, & niece Marcy

We had more than 30 family members here to celebrate Grandpa Ed's 90 years of life. The party started at 2:00 in the afternoon, and ended around midnight, with a beach fire and roasted marshmallows. As I walked down the torch-lit path to the beach, I felt a surge of gratitude.

David & cousin Julie

Cousin Martin & my mom

My dad, SIL Joan, BIL Jim & great-nephew Bobby

Grandpa Ed, BIL Bill & newphew Brant

Sitting down on the bulkhead, listening to the waves lap on the beach, watching the moon rise, and seeing the stars reflected in the still water made me happy - and thankful - to live in such a place, and be able to share with our relatives. Chatting and laughing with David, Gregg, our nieces and nephews late into the night was a gift. I love our big, extended family.

SIL Linda, BIL Bill, niece Marcy & her husband, Wil, great-niece Lindsay, in-law Mike

Grandpa Ed and Grandma Elaine, just before cutting the cake

On Sunday morning, we cleaned up and said goodbye to Andrea, Mike and Sam, took a walk, and then dressed to go pick up my parents for a treat. Part of our anniversary gift to them was an Argosy Cruise to Tillicum Village on Blake Island, with Charlotte. We had all been looking forward to it, and it lived up to our expectations - and exceeded them.

Mom, Gregg, Charlotte, Dad, me and David.
Argosy always takes a photo before you board the boat.

Tillicum Village is Argosy's longhouse on Blake Island, commemorating and celebrating the Coast Salish Native American culture. After a 45-minute cruise from Seattle to the island, there is a shaman's presentation, with stories from the old days, traditional dancing and dinner (clams in broth, smoked salmon, venison stew, berry cobbler dessert, etc.) and time to walk around and enjoy the beauty of the setting. Blake Island is a state park with a small marina, trails, campsites and picnic areas.

The sun was going down behond the Olympic Mountains as we rode in the boat back to Seattle. It was a treat, and especially fun for us, as this is the place where David has worked for the past three summers. We enjoy meeting his co-workers and admiring what they do.

Watching the traditional way of smoking salmon (before we ate it).

Speaking of Charlotte, the generosity of her naming Katie's endowment in her husband Fred's memorial notice continues to touch people. Five more donations have been received this month!

Today, David and I caught the ferry back to Seattle to do some school-clothes shopping. We made the rounds of Nordstrom's Rack, Banana Republic, Nordstrom, GAP, Old Navy, NikeTown and Brooks Brothers, with a stop for lunch at Nordstrom's Grill. There were lots of things from which to choose (and good sale prices). Wowza - the guy can shop, and he has good taste! I'm tired, and off to bed now - sweet dreams to you...

Anniversaries

2011-08-17T22:19:00.000-07:00

Today is my parents' 59th wedding anniversary. What a wonderful accomplishment (and a blessing), to have weathered the storms of life, and to still be best friends, living together in a place you enjoy. It has been a difficult summer for them, with the passing of at least four of their contemporaries, and that makes me all the more grateful that they can celebrate this anniversary together. I wish them many more years of love, health and happiness!

Yesterday was Maribeth & Alan's wedding anniversary. We wish them many more years of love, health and happiness together!

Yesterday was also the four-year "anniversary" of Katie's passing. I don't think of it as an anniversary, but I don't know what the synonym for the word would be, under the circumstances. No matter. The day is always marked in my heart. How could I ever not acknowledge that morning, with its events that changed our lives, our hearts, and the shape of our family, forever?

Gregg, David and I have been in Canada for several days. We spent most of yesterday in Victoria, taking a walk early in the morning, eating breakfast harbourside, renting bicycles to ride around James Bay and along the coastal road, and catching the Coho ferry back to the States. We arrived home last night to many kind messages of remembrance. They gave me great comfort.

It doesn't seem to get easier for us to bridge the gap between male and female grieving here, when it comes to the two dates that I always mark: Katie's birthday and the date of her passing. Gregg doesn't want to mark either one; he says that the fact that she isn't here causes the same pain in him every day. Her birthday isn't cause for celebration, to him, because she isn't here to celebrate. The day of her passing is unbearable for him to recall. So I go through these days "virtually" alone, even though we are together - except for all of the kind calls and messages from family and friends, for which I am deeply thankful.

Gregg and I have talked about it, and we will continue to make efforts to be considerate of each other's needs, but it seems to be a fact that we women, who carry our children from the moment of conception and care for them throughout their lives, have a visceral need to mark certain events. It's not an intellectual movement; it's a gut-feeling. I have a need to honor her memory, and this is the way I do it, as of now. I pray to be led to find ways to share these memories constructively with those around me.

The fact that you are here, reading, is a gift that honors Katie's life, whether you met her here on earth or only through my words. Thank you for being bearers of her memory with me.

Our trip was full of love, joy, peace and contentment. We began in Victoria, B.C., and spent a night there before driving up-island to Tofino. My brother and sister-in-law joined us there; it was their first trip to the lodge we love. Tofino is one of my favorite places in the world; it feels like home to me, on a deep, cellular level. Here are some images of our trip...

Jim, Gregg, me, Caroline & David at dinner in the lodge

Caroline with me on the Ucluelet Lighthouse Loop Trail

The wild west coast of Vancouver Island. You can see why there are so many shipwrecks off of this coast!

Interested in slugs? Here are slug facts that I didn't know!

Cara & Jim - outdoor dinner at the Wildside Grill.

David and Gregg and some incredible fish tacos and fish and chips - all the fish was local and freshly caught!

Gregg & me

Outdoor dining area at the Wildside. I love the "fish skeleton" made of driftwood on top of the cabana!

Jim & Caroline enjoying freshly baked cookies while playing cards.

Gregg and David, who is about to teach us to play "13."

My son and me on one of my favorite beaches - barefoot & loving it.

More card games after dinner.

We had a lovely vacation - the happiest (for me) in recent memory, and I am so very thankful that we were able to take it, and to share it with Jim & Caroline. It was the perfect way to rest and refresh ourselves before the busy days ahead.

Ocean Breezes

2011-08-09T09:32:00.000-07:00

Sunset, Tofino, B.C., August, 2007

Through this wonderfully-interconnected blogisphere, I met Jim of Ocean Breezes. Jim's blog is refreshing, peaceful and a gift to the eyes. His photography overflows with beauty and clarity, and his writing voice is gentle and contemplative. I loved his recent posting (about dealing with sadness) so much that I want to share it with you; you can visit Jim by clicking HERE.

Love: Sunday, August 7th

2011-08-07T07:10:00.000-07:00

"At the mountain of God, Horeb,
Elijah came to a cave where he took shelter.
Then the LORD said to him,
'Go outside and stand on the mountain before the LORD;
the LORD will be passing by.'
A strong and heavy wind was rending the mountains
and crushing rocks before the LORD—
but the LORD was not in the wind.
After the wind there was an earthquake—
but the LORD was not in the earthquake.
After the earthquake there was fire—
but the LORD was not in the fire.
After the fire there was a tiny whispering sound.
When he heard this,
Elijah hid his face in his cloak
and went and stood at the entrance of the cave." - I Kings 19

What does this story mean? To me, it suggests that when we hear of disaster, or when it happens to us, God is not part of the horrors and violence. God is the "tiny whispering sound," the voice of love and gentleness which is always with us, before, during and after the horrors. We cannot rightly find Him if we suppose Him to be something, or part of something, or creating something, which He is not.

If we are looking and listening for God, we must have a sense of who He is. In this passage is a hint: listen for the "tiny whispering sound," and do not be overly impressed by the violent wind, earthquake or fire. God is not in them. Elsewhere in the Bible (I John 4), it says plainly and simply, "God is Love." If God is love, we can begin with that assumption, and listen for Him in love.

Praying for the families of those who were killed in yesterday's military helicopter crash. May God comfort their loved ones, and give them all of the help they need.

This, That & An Anniversary

2011-08-02T16:48:00.000-07:00

We had a great weekend here. I hope you had a great one, too.

Before the weekend, on Thursday, David and I took a beautiful walk on our beach - for a couple of miles each way. It was a gorgeous, sunny & warm day. For you mid-western & easterners, that is obvious, but for us here in western Washington, I have news: summer has been one fickle guest. So it was a big deal to have sunshine on one of David's days off. It was lovely to spend that time together.

David also accompanied me to go shopping for a new phone. He knows more about technology than I do, as he's 18. Those of you who have mobile phone plans will understand this story: I was due for a FREE new phone. Awesome. I've always taken the offer of a FREE new phone to heart (and wallet). But this time, there was a decision to be made: dumb phone or smart phone? - because now, we have a choice. The difficulty is that dumb = free, while smart = I pay for the phone itself, and for extra service, each month. Frankly, that doesn't sound smart at all, to me. Yet I did the dumb thing, and got the smart phone...a phone which is a whole lot smarter than I am, at this point. I'm still learning how it works.

On Saturday, we hosted a party. I don't like to talk about parties because I think it is bad manners, when obviously all of you (especially out-of-towners) can't join us, but party is what we did, so it shows up here on the blog. We combined neighborhood friends with old friends, friends from different circles and parts of our lives, and it was great fun. I love to host gatherings, especially with 20+ people, especially in sunny weather.

The photos that I took turned out to be awful, but Paul Dudley of Paul Dudley Photography took these, and as usual, he worked magic with the camera:

Miss Ellie (my mom) & me

Me & my dad

Because I have a horror of running out of food, the new ways of society (let's call it the looseness about RSVP's) make me a little nervous when hosting 30-some people. My way of coping is to buy too much food, and host potlucks. People brought salad or dessert & wine; we provided everything else (& some wine). Right now, I am making split pea soup with the leftover bones and meat from two of the three hams. My in-laws are coming over to eat dinner with us and share the bounty.

While I was chopping, sauteing, juicing and stirring, my heart was with our friend Allegra, who is a chef de cuisine and who once owned a restaurant on the Oregon coast. How I wished she was standing beside me, sharing the wisdom of her experience! Allegra is recovering from chemo right now, and I am sending her love and healing energy. You are invited to join me in that.

I have to say that I am a bit stymied right now as a blogger, because one of the richest veins in the Mother Lode of my writer's brain is filled with parenting stories, and I cannot share them with you. I respect my son's privacy, but I tell you, my mind is overflowing with things that have happened here. I am sure they are normal in the larger picture of life, but I would say it's been colorful.

Four years ago today, Andrea & Mike got married and granted Katie's great wish to be a bridesmaid. It was a huge gift for them to move their wedding up 6 months in order that Katie could be part of the day. A week later, she was paralysed from the waist down (and could no longer walk); a week after that, she passed away. So you can see how important their invitation - and the timing -was.

Happy Anniversary, Andrea and Mike! - you have our love and gratitude FOREVER.

Ego Talk

2011-07-28T10:39:00.000-07:00

Altar beside walkway near Cinque Terre, Italy

It's very comforting to read something that feels as if it was written just for you, isn't it? I love that feeling...even when it touches a hard spot in my ego, and puts it back into better perspective, like the readings did this morning.

Here is the devotional from Richard Rohr & CAC today:

"Remember the whole biblical drama begins with an act of transgression; a necessary transgression, I think. I know we pretend to be disappointed that Adam and Eve ate the apple, but we have to know that is the whole point! They had to eat the apple. There is no story without it. That is how the conflict is set up. That is how we break through to consciousness. We don’t come to God by doing it “right.” Doing it right just makes us fall in love with ourselves, not God. In the story of the Prodigal Son we see it clearly (Luke 15:11-32). There is one son who does it right and one son who does it wrong. The one that does it wrong ends up, in fact, right; and the one who does it right ends up dead wrong.

"We can’t see this because the ego does not want to see it. It gives us no sense of the superiority and ego control we are seeking—instead of seeking God and divine union. Paul calls this counterintuitive wisdom by various names, and one is “the folly of the cross.” He says it is a “revelation” from beyond and normal common sense cannot and will not see it (read 1 Corinthians 1:17-2:9). Someone has to tell us with authority that it is true, and I just told you."

Adapted from Loving the Two Halves of Life: The Further Journey
(CD, DVD, MP3)

See also Fr. Richard's latest book,
Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life

This made me laugh - "...and I just told you." How loving, how personal, how direct.

When I came to the part that mentioned that "doing it right" makes us "fall in love with ourselves," and not with God, that made me stop. Um, yes, precisely. Who doesn't want to feel good about himself/herself? And the work which we do is often the vehicle for this - doing, producing, and having some good works or products to show for it makes me feel good.

I was raised this way - it's become "the American Way." And it's not a bad thing...it's just not the primary thing, not the only thing. It's possible that my book and video project have become a kind of ego-salve for me right now, just as the guild and raising awareness and funds for cancer research have been. They are good works, but for whom (Whom) are they being done? I'd like to think they are for God and my fellow man...and in thinking so, I feel good - about myself.

Seeking God and divine union is a different motivation than seeking to feel better about my own life, myself, or seeking relief from the pain of grief. Good works are good...but I pray not to let them make me feel independent of God. He is my life, my breath, my love...I am nothing without Him. Being human, most of our motivations and actions are a mixed bag, but it's helpful to be reminded to Whom I (we) belong.

Altar in St. Mary's church, Antibes, France

Another devotional put it this way:
"Many people not only lose the benefit, but are even the worse for their mortifications [i.e., sacrifices, abstensions]. It is because they mistake the whole nature and worth of them. They practice them for their own sakes, as things good in themselves; they think them to be real parts of holiness, and so rest in them, and look no further, but grow full of a self-esteem, and self-admiration for their own progress in them. This makes them self-sufficient, morose, severe judges of all those that fall short of their mortifications. And thus their self-denials do only that for them, which indulgences do for other people--they withstand and hinder the operation of God upon their souls; and instead of being really self-denials, they strengthen and keep up the kingdom of self. - William Law (1686-1761), "The Spirit of Prayer"

Side altar in St. Mary's, Antibes, France

May I please have a glass of milk to go with that slice of humble pie?

Ex 40:16-21, 34-38 says that "Moses did exactly as the LORD had commanded him. On the first day of the first month of the second year the Dwelling was erected. It was Moses who erected the Dwelling...He took the commandments and put them in the ark...as the LORD had commanded him. Then the cloud covered the meeting tent, and the glory of the LORD filled the Dwelling. Moses could not enter the meeting tent, because the cloud settled down upon it and the glory of the LORD filled the Dwelling. Whenever the cloud rose from the Dwelling, the children of Israel would set out on their journey. But if the cloud did not lift, they would not go forward; only when it lifted did they go forward. In the daytime the cloud of the LORD was seen over the Dwelling; whereas at night, fire was seen in the cloud by the whole house of Israel in all the stages of their journey."

So for nearly 40 years, "in all the stages of their journey," everyone could clearly see the light at night, and could clearly read the daytime signs as to whether they were to stay where they were, or move ahead. How beautiful, to have directions so clear! And how interesting, that the glory of the Lord was so great that there wasn't room in the tent for Moses. That makes me smile at "ego," too...Moses had done a lot of listening to God, and after his calling, had devoted his life to God...but still, there wasn't room for Moses in that tent, because the glory of the Lord filled it. That fact might encourage appropriate awe and respect for the Lord.

Crucifix, Cinque Terre, Italy

A gentle reminder to the ego: it's not about you; it's about God (and God is Love).

Gratitude

2011-07-25T14:01:00.000-07:00

David at Mas Shamrock, St. Remy, France

You may know that I love to start the day by reading devotionals. I get a cup of coffee, sit on our cozy yellow couch, and open my emailbox to take my time reading three devotionals to which I subscribe, from A Daily Spiritual Seed, www.gratefulness.org, and the Center for Action and Contemplation (you can find links to all of these on the sidebar). The Daily Spiritual Seed site has a link to the USCCB site, which contains daily lectionary readings, in text, video and audio - something for everyone! If you can't read, you can still hear the Word. I love that.

Today's lectionary was perfect for me. In case you are interested, here is the link. It seemed to go so well with the other two. I've been thinking alot about Fr. Rohr's writings in the CAC devotionals of late, because recently they have a lot to do with the difference between the first half of life and the second half of life. Being over 50 myself (52 as of now), I am very much interested in the changes that life has offered. I won't say "the changes that life has forced upon me," because we can refuse to cooperate with change. Refusal will not stop us from changing, but it may distort or twist the changes that occur within us. The CAC devotional from today included the following from Fr. Rohr:

"Usually, without growth being forced on us, few of us go willingly on the spiritual journey. Why would we? The rug has to be pulled out from beneath our game, so we redefine what balance really is. We eventually get a feel for true balance when we fall and rise a number of times.

More than anything else, this falling/rising cycle is what moves us into the second half of our own lives...There is a 'necessary suffering' to human life, and if we avoid its cycles we remain immature forever. It can take the form of failed relationships, facing our own shadow self, conflicts and contradictions, disappointments, moral lapses, depression in any number of forms. All of these have the potential to edge us forward in life, or dig in our heels even deeper, producing narcissistic and adolescent responses that everybody can see except ourselves. We either 'fall upward'...or we just keep falling."

Yes, I can see my path in his variety of descriptions of "necessary suffering." It is easy to recognize my own errors in many of them. For sure, I carry my gifts in "earthen vessels," just as the scripture says! The suffering that did the most for me in the way of teaching surrender, beyond anything I could have read or studied, was (of course) accompanying Katie (as well as David & Gregg) on her path of suffering.

What is necessary now, is to find my way, as some of the grief, sadness, paralysis and depression lift - and they are lifting - as my interest and joy in, and gratitude for, the life which remains takes hold and grows stronger. Where to go? What to do? How to serve?

Writing is a big part of this. Advocating, finding my voice and helping others to find theirs, encouraging others, and moving through and beyond the world of cancer are part of this. I don't know what comes next. Finishing the book, working to get it published, completing the video and working to get it delivered and distributed, are all part of it. Being Gregg's wife, and David and Katie's mother is part of it. Being a friend, a child of God, a daughter and community member are all part of it.

I think, at this point, the most important practice in my life is gratitude.
I was discussing this with Gregg yesterday. It's as if gratitude is my new "religion." In observing and interacting with others, I notice how many people do not seem truly happy. Even after going through the illness and death of our beloved daughter, we are actually pretty happy right now. I wonder about this, when I look around me and see so few people actively enjoying the gifts of their own lives. What is it that overshadows them? Only they know.

Being born in the U.S.A., we are already living with many blessings and freedoms, and many difficulties, which are different from our brothers and sisters in other times and places...yet we have in common our humanity. Human life is complex and challenging. We face horrendous issues as a nation and as a world community. Yet, humankind has faced horrendous issues in every age. What is the key to being happy in the presence of difficulties, suffering, terror, uncertainty, hardship, loss?

I don't know what it is for others, but for me, the daily practice of gratitude has kept me afloat - literally, kept me from "going under" during the past four - no, five - years of suffering and loss. It is not always easy; I am not always "successful" at being grateful; it is a practice. But as I endeavor to practice noticing and being thankful for the many blessings in our life, I grow happier, and I want to share that happiness with you. Gratitude for any and every little joy and gift, as many as I can detect - gratitude to the giver...and the Giver, blesses me. I pray that reading this will bless you.

Abbeye de Senanque, Gordes, France

Ready for the Weekend

2011-07-21T18:52:00.000-07:00

Oh, my goodness, what a busy week! I am tired today...but it's a good kind of tired, overall.

Every day, I get up early to see who won the current stage of the Tour de France. Watch it again at dinnertime, from start to finish. Can you say "Addiction?"

On Monday, I cleaned the house - and it needed it! I thought I had an appointment for a massage, but Joanne (massage therapist) & I had our calendars mixed up.

On Tuesday, Paul and I went to Seattle to interview Julie & Tanya, Katie's Childlife and Social Workers from Seattle Children's Hospital. Julie is due to have a baby soon, and we needed to do this interview before that sweet little one arrives! Because a "media escort" was not available, we had to conduct the interview off-site (outside of the hospital) - which meant, in this case, a small park next to Ronald McDonald House. Very fitting, but not exactly QUIET.

The thoughts that Julie & Tanya shared with us were gems, and of huge value; they brought back so many memories for me. Julie and Tanya were basically the only two staff members who Katie welcomed into her room on a regular basis. She trusted them completely, and she enjoyed their company. They were genuine with her and with us, always. The were present. They could cope with whatever arose without blanching or freaking out. They had walked the path before, and they were not afraid. They helped me to be less afraid, and they helped me to advocate for my family...because they advocated for me. The two of them will have my deepest gratitude, for the rest of my life. So it was a privilege to hear their thoughts about Katie, about taking care of her and us, and about what she taught them.

Paul will have to find a way to mute the background sounds of trucks, cars and refrigeration systems from the parking lot of Metro Market next door. C'est la vie.

Tuesday night, Paul and Heidi and their wonderful kids joined us for dinner and a recap of the day's filming. Heidi brought wine and dessert: chocolate shells filled with sea salt caramel ice cream (I really wish I didn't know about this - best ice cream EVER!), fresh raspberries and mint.

Heidi brought this wine - I LOVE the name and the label!

Joanne and Beamer (her Welsh Corgi) stopped by with a bottle of wine, and stayed for dessert (Beamer had a slice of ham) and conversation. Our cats could NOT get over the fact that we had let a DOG in the house; usually, when we let Beamer in, the cats are outside. We looked at old photographs and told stories. It's fun to have friends from the 8th grade, like Paul, who "knew you when..."

Yesterday, I was out walking and Joanne stopped by, in her car. She had had a cancellation, and took me back to her home office, so I could have a massage! JOY. I really needed it; my hips were out of whack this week. One of the most wonderful things about living in this neighborhood is our neighbors, and Jo is one of our favorites.

I met Kathy H. this week. Kathy attended the same high school as Gregg, and read about Katie's Comforter's Guild in the local paper. She was moved to make fleece blankets for the hospital, and her first batch is of 29! Kathy really dove into the project, and her blankets are cozy and bright. They are going to be of great comfort to patients. You can see photos and read more at www.katiescomfortersguild.blogspot.com .

Gregg and I took a beautiful, long walk last night and ran into some friends. Delightful. Two stray cats have attempted to adopt me this week while I've been out walking. It's very tempting, but Gregg has said a clear and definite "NO" both times, so I couldn't sneak either of them home in my pocket.

I've been doing work for the guild, publicizing the latest news, uploading photos, promoting the Dairy Queen event on August 11th, and attending to correspondence. Meanwhile, washing clothes, exercising, shopping for food, preparing meals, cleaning up, running errands...so I'm definitely ready for the weekend!

This weekend, we are going to see friends and enjoy the sunshine that is predicted for our area - finally! We are also planning to host Gregg's parents for brunch on Saturday. The plan is for their house - the one in which they have lived for the past 45 years or so - to be put on the market this week. They have moved into assisted living. That is a big adjustment for everyone.

After grocery shopping today, I had to re-arrange things inside of the refrigerator. The massive (Costco) pickle jar had to go. Instead of pickles, here is what is inside of it now.

Beach glass! Much prettier than pickles.

Our whole family likes beach glass - even the Liger & Latte (pictured here)!

Dairy Queen Hosts Children's Miracle Blizzard Treat Day: August 11!

2011-07-21T13:22:00.000-07:00

miracle treat day

(Click on the link above to learn more)

On August 11, 2011,

Dairy Queen Restaurants will donate at least

$1.00 of the cost of

every Blizzard Treat they sell

to Children's Miracle Network Hospitals!

Seattle Children's Hospital and its supporters appreciates our local (and national) Diary Queens for doing this!

Thank you, Poulsbo Dairy Queen!

Please spread the word to all of your friends and family, and

go to your local Dairy Queen

for a BLIZZARD on August 11th!

Please remember to THANK them for their support of Children's Hospitals.

Great News at Katie's Endowment's Blog

2011-07-15T13:25:00.000-07:00

Please visit THIS link to find out what I've been up to this week, other than guild work, Burrata Bistro & Paella Bar communications, caring for home and family AND editing and printing my manuscript. It's on its way to a special destination, and now, I wait...and work on other projects, such as videotaping more members of Katie's care team next week. And our house does need cleaning again!

Check out the latest news at Katie's Comforters Guild, too!

Birth Pains

2011-07-11T08:29:00.000-07:00

" 'All this is only the beginning of the birth pangs.'

~ Matthew 24:8 (Jerusalem Bible)

"Birth pains are an image of something painful that is bringing about something better. The price for bringing about something better is to go through the pain of birth. Male gods create by a flick of their creative finger. Female gods create by labor pains. Patriarchs seem to think that birth pains are unnecessary—at least for them. That’s why we have been able to avoid so much of the Gospel, I am afraid.

"If we had an image of God as a great Mother who is birthing (Romans 8:22), I think birth pains would have been much more understood. A woman who has had a child understands something I will never understand: the necessary connection between pain and life—and she might well know it in the very cells of her body."

Adapted from Radical Grace: Daily Meditations, p. 370, day 383

Reading this devotional from Richard Rohr this morning is comforting me. I have run into a snag or two, as I shepherd the book and video projects along, and at times, I become discouraged.

Things have actually moved so well with both projects that it's been surprising, on the whole. Doors have opened, people have been willing to help, free with supportive comments and input, and generally positive about the entire endeavor. Every time I knock on a door (figuratively speaking), it has either opened, or a "window" nearby has opened, instead. In fact, it's gone so smoothly that I tend to assume that the snags, resistance or moments of difficulty that rarely arise indicate that "something is wrong." Typical of "magical thinking," (Joan Didion's phrase) that everything is supposed to go smoothly all the time.

Look around! That is not even true in nature; why should it be in human life and work? Things do go wrong, and many birth-experiences involve pain. Father Rohr provides this reminder about human birth. Even though it was over 16 years ago that I last gave birth to a baby, I do remember that pain.

David was born via Cesarean section. I was trying to have him "naturally," and resisted all forms of assistance for as long as possible. Big mistake, by the way. After 18 hours of labor (many of them under the effects of pitocin, a labor-inducing drug), and without pain relief, I gave in, and asked for an epidural. That was a smart move...David was born 18 hours after that, by emergency Cesarean section. He had the umbilical cord wrapped three times around his neck. "Natural" childbirth was not physically possible. The pain of the first 18 hours changed my life-perspective. I had not known that such physical pain existed on earth.

David's first photograph

When Katie was born, she was delivered by VBAC - not a Cesarean section. I hear that this is less common nowadays, but 16 years ago, the prevalent thinking was to try to do it as "naturally" as possible.

Katie, moments after she was first handed to me

After our children were born, my sister, who has never given birth, asked me what labor felt like. "Like someone is trying to open your womb with a crowbar - from the inside," I remember telling her.

I'm thankful for this reminder that some of the best things in life require us to endure pain so they can be born. Pain doesn't necessarily mean that we are doing something wrong. There are times when pain does indicate that a change of course is in order; for example, touching a hot stove and feeling the burn is a clear signal to step back. Pain can be a reminder to open one's heart for directions, in case a change of course is needed, but "pain" doesn't automatically signal "mistake." Perhaps it signals, "Listen;" perhaps it is a reminder to pause, rest or to re-commit what we are doing to God, to whom everything belongs.

"Jesus said to his Apostles:
'...whoever does not take up his cross
and follow after me is not worthy of me.
Whoever finds his life will lose it,
and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

“Whoever receives you receives me,
and whoever receives me receives the one who sent me.' " - Matthew 10

Simple Pleasures & News

2011-07-06T19:43:00.000-07:00

Simple Pleasures:

Mother Nature sent us a treat this evening

One of her most exquisite wild creatures landed in our Madrona tree

We had time to admire his beauty and immensity

On the 4th of July, I was thinking of hosting a party...but then, we were invited to a party with the rest of the staff of Burrata Bistro & Paella Bar at Kim & Alfonso's house (next door).
You may remember that I maintain the facebook page for the restaurants.
Kim closed both restaurants in order to provide this treat for us.
If you've ever tasted Kim's cooking or been to one of her parties, you'll know why I immediately cancelled my plans to host, and gladly accepted Kim & Alfonso's lavish hospitality, which extended to include my parents.
The buffet was beyond delicious.
We provided the fireworks, after dark.
Unfortunately, David had to work; fortunately, David has a J.O.B. (very important, nowadays)!

Their deck has several levels, like sunken living rooms, with beautiful plants, windchimes and lights

I had to show you this beautiful tunic, which was purchased for me by Gregg, on the isle of Capri, on his recent business trip to Italy.

Homegrown ingredients for homemade tea: rugosa rose petals, mint leaves and lavender. Pretty and delicious!

News:
I am working on my manuscript, formatting, polishing and adding material as recommended.

The Guild is ticking along, with generous seamstresses and fleece blanket-makers creating comfort for patients at Seattle Children's Hospital. Please consider joining us, if you would like to help - they always need blankets, and now that the hospital is expanding, the need will continue to increase!

Due to the thoughtfulness of Fred Merritt's family naming the Katie Gerstenberger Endowment for Cancer Research in Fred's obituary, 22 new donations have been received. We are deeply grateful.

Belated Birthday Gift

2011-07-02T20:31:00.000-07:00

Today, I received my birthday gift from Gregg & David: a day spent on the beach in Port Townsend. The tides were just right today for a long hike.

When David returned from Arizona, he revealed to me that Alaska Airlines had "outed" my favorite beach in their in-flight magazine. I am a fan of Alaska Air - my sister-in-law works there; we fly with them as often as possible; we admire their safety record, service and work ethic. But I am NOT happy that they divulged the location of this place of peace, beauty and serenity to the masses. Today, there were a LOT of people there (compared to normal days).

We walked at least 4 miles each way, in the long-awaited (much-appreciated) sunshine, and enjoyed every bit. Around mile 3.5, we started to lose some of the others. We sat down for a picnic lunch, prepared by Gregg, and then walked some more. It was the perfect gift: a day of togetherness. I am thankful.

Showing off my "Spike" t-shirt (Spike is Gonzaga's mascot), a gift from David, against the backdrop of the Strait of Juan de Fuca and the Olympic Mountains.

From East Coast Karen

2011-06-28T16:00:00.000-07:00

This morning's devotional said: "The Wisdom of Solomon tells us that 'love is stronger than death' (Song of Songs 8:6)." This poem states it in a different way:

"Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you,
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone,
wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow,
laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Pray smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort,
without the trace of a shadow in it.
Life means all that it ever meant,
it is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity,
why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you
somewhere very near
just around the corner.
All is well." - Christina Georgina Rossetti 1830 - 1894

My friend, "Karen East," of From Paradise to Plan B , posted the poem above for one of her friends. It is so beautiful, and speaks so deeply to me of what I believe is the intention (or voice) of our beloved ones who have gone before us, that I had to share it here. Thank you & much love to you, Karen!

On the bow of DA BOATA, staff & campers catch french fries thrown from friends and fans who are at Red Robin, on the pier.

Today is "National Cancer Sucks Day," which (of course) coincides with the Camp Goodtimes cruise, also known as "DA BOATA." David and I will be helping on board, assisting with arts, crafts and wherever an extra pair of hands is needed by the campers, all of whom are cancer patients, former cancer patients, and their siblings. It's going to be a day of fun, silliness, friendship and JOY. There will be music, dancing, singing, a buffet lunch, french-fry throwing & catching, and all kinds of general craziness.

Cancer sucks...but it doesn't have to spoil everyone's fun, and Camp Goodtimes is a place to see that fact in action. As the song says, "Celebrate good times - come on!"

A Good Weekend

2011-06-26T21:27:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, David and I took the ferry to Vashon Island, where we spent part of the day helping with set-up at Camp Goodtimes West. We had the pleasure of working in the craft shed, assisting the staff in getting the supplies ready.

The staff at camp are all kind, compassionate and fun. The craft ladies are a SCREAM. I laughed and had a great time as we chatted, cut ribbon into lengths and assembled blank leather nametags for staff and campers to use in creating their own. Campers use their real names, while staff all have "camp names." Staff names like Beef, Daffy, Mooselips, Pineapple, Jiffy, Watermelon, Puck, Sparkle, etc. are the sort of thing you might hear at camp.

Everything looked great, calm, happy and ready for the campers to arrive today.

When we were walking to a building in the south area of camp, I noticed this beautiful butterfly lighting on a gorgeous flower:

You may know that I see butterflies as signs of Katie's love and presence. It was deeply moving to see this huge, luminous creature at camp, exactly a year after we scattered Katie's ashes there on the bay (according to her wishes).

While we were at camp, Gregg was helping his siblings move their parents into an assisted-living facility in our town. Everyone then gathered at the family home for dinner, before Grandma and Grandpa spent their first night in their new place. Now, the house will be put on the market for sale. It's a big change, but as Grandma and Grandpa are both turning 90 in the upcoming months, it was a decision to support their health and safety.

Today is my birthday. We had originally planned to go to my favorite beach, but the tide calendar shows that the tides will be much lower next weekend, so we postponed our beach day. We walked on Bainbridge Island instead, had a great lunch in the sunshine on our deck, relaxed, and then went to a terrific Mexican restaurant for dinner. We dined in the sun on their deck, and for dessert, the restaurant provided a dish of locally-made ice cream with a candle - a birthday treat to share.

Spending the day with my guys is the best present in the world. I feel blessed and grateful for family, friends and love.

This week, David and I will volunteer on "DA BOATA," the Camp Goodtimes cruise which is donated by Argosy Cruises for every camp session. More fun is on the way...

Busy, Busy, Busy...

2011-06-23T23:00:00.000-07:00

Inside of St. Peter's in Rome (Gregg took this on his business trip)

This has been a busy week, and it's not over yet!
On Monday, Paul Dudley (of Paul Dudley Photography) & I went to Seattle Children's Hospital, and had the privilege and pleasure of interviewing two of Katie's doctors and her physical therapist on video. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed this process, once I got over being nervous. It was probably the best day of "work" I've ever had in my life.
I had asked for 5 minutes from each of them, and led with the question: What did you learn from taking care of Katie that you would like to teach to students?

After thinking it over, I wondered if that might be a bit too general, so I invited them to look at about 5 more questions, and choose any or all of them. They embraced the group of questions, and between the three of them, they talked for an hour - an hour of gems of wisdom, experience, compassion, insight and caring. I was inspired and grateful to be part of it. And I deeply enjoyed being in the interviewer's chair, rather than being the speaker - I think I felt like Oprah for an hour, and it felt good!
I don't want to give away too much, but I will say that being able to listen in depth to the surgeon who worked for 16 of the 18 hours of Katie's surgery, saved her life, and dealt with each of us with care and compassion, was an experience beyond what I could have hoped for. I will always respect and love that man for what he did for Katie, and for us. He gave us several months of additional time with our precious girl, and he gave her a chance to live without that tumor. He is a light in the world, as is Dr. B & Linda A., who also gave us fabulous words to share with students.

Tuesday brought another trip to the city, just for fun, with my mom and lunch with Laura. Wednesday was laundry, massage therapy, exercise, Costco, and a pub date with my husband. We still haven't been inside of the new Trader Joe's, but that is on my list!
Today, I cooked a pork roast in the crockpot, and had Laura over for brunch (she made delicious nut & chocolate chip pancakes with fruit sauce for us). Laura needs her own cooking show; she is making up all kinds of awesome gluten-free, dairy-free, low-sugar treats! We made a lightning-fast visit to Poulsbo, to run errands at Grounds for Change and Liberty Bay Books. Then Gregg's parents joined us for dinner. What a fun day!
Tomorrow, I will be catching up on Guild business, more laundry, errands, exercise and hosting my parents for dinner.
Saturday is Camp Goodtimes set-up, and moving my in-laws into their new home (assisted living).

Now, it's time for bed. I hope to be able to check in with all of you soon, but it's a very busy time here. Please know that I am thinking of all of my blog peeps and wishing you well, even if I'm not visiting at the moment!

Quite a Day

2011-06-19T08:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Fred's Celebration of Life. David and I drove my parents to Seattle and accompanied them; Gregg was unable to join us, because he was in an airplane, en route from Italy, where he has been working for nearly two weeks.

Fred's family and friends gathered in an elegant club and toasted his beautiful life. His Marine Corps helmet (with bullet holes in it), Purple Heart medal, and folded American flag were on display at the entry. Photographs, newspaper articles and poems were displayed around the room.

My father gave a lovely eulogy, describing Fred's sterling character; I am very proud of the job he did with this difficult task. Another close friend also spoke of their many years of friendship, and Fred's gifts of loyalty and integrity.

Upon seeing Fred's elder son, I began to cry; he looks so much like him. He also looks like Charlotte, but the resemblance to Fred was enough to set me off. His words to the group about his father - his business partner and best friend - were deeply moving. He told us of Fred's words from his hospital bed, clearly stating his desire to host this very party. His family honored that desire well.

Their grandson, who is a musician, played the piano, spoke graciously about Fred, and sang elegantly. That required three more tissues from my purse.

This group of friends has had to bid goodbye to four friends in the past month. My heart hurts for them. Getting older is a privilege, but it is not easy. This generation of men, who have worked hard, sacrificed, served their country and cared for their wives and families, deserves to be honored and saluted. They are not replaceable. Their example should be held up - and followed.

It is wonderful to have Gregg back at home with us - the perfect ending to a deeply stirring day.

Happy Father's Day to all of you dads out there!

Finished Pillow, Final Draft & Reunion of Friends

2011-06-17T08:33:00.000-07:00

Here is the finished pillow. I used some exquisite, deep-purple satin for the backing, to pick up the purple in the design. I trimmed it with decorative stitching (my sewing machine has this capability) and made a long flap so that the backing folds into the inside of the pillowcase like an envelope. It is closed with velcro dots, out of sight on the inside.

Yesterday was a busy day. I started by taking the final draft of my book to the printers. I had 5 copies made for a small group of readers to review. It still needs work on bibliography, permissions, and the occasional improvement to phrasing. After the comments come back, I will format it for the University Book Store's Espresso Book Machine, and plan to have it printed there.

I feel as if I just had a baby.

After my stop at the printer, I drove to the ferry dock and met David in the terminal. He was on his way to work, and I rode over with him, on my way to meet two friends from high school. Jody, Sally and I were one of those female "threesomes" in high school that worked. They were a couple of years ahead of me in school, but we attended the same church, were part of the same youth group, went to the same summer camp. In addition, one of Jody's brothers was dating my sister; Jody even dated my brother. Our paths were interwoven for a few years, until the two couples broke up...and then, things got a bit too messy for our youthful frame of reference. We went our separate ways for college, and allowed our "threesome" to drift apart.

I reconnected with Jody last year, and it was lovely. She has the same sweetness, intelligence, humor, beauty and positive energy that I remember, just burnished and deepened over the years. It was good to meet her husband, and to have her meet Gregg. We enjoyed a delicious dinner together in the warmth of their hospitality.

I hadn't seen Sally since high school, but she and Jody have stayed in touch with each other. It was lovely to see Sally again. She is just as I remember her: intelligent, whimsical, creative and kind. The three of us talked non-stop the entire time we were together; about 30 years has passed since we were in close contact, and I'd say we made a fair start at catching up!

The interesting thing, to me, was how quickly trust and rapport were re-established. It's a gift to find that all of the qualities which we recognized and loved in one another so many years ago are still there, still sparkling and still beautiful. Though life has thrown all three of us some serious curve-balls, that goodness is still percolating, alive and well.

facebook made this reunion possible - it is one of the blessings of that addictive social medium.

A New Kind of Quilting

2011-06-16T07:44:00.000-07:00

I have been working on a surprise for Charlotte. I know very well that giving her a surprise is not going to fill the hole in her heart where Fred and her son belong, but I can't help but try to cheer her a little.

Recently, I wrote here about discovering McKenna Ryan's art quilting. I decided to make one of these squares for Charlotte. Just one square, not the entire quilt, because this is applique quilting with topstitching, and it's NEW to me. This is what the ingredients looked like, as I was getting ready to start:

...and this is what it looked like, partway through the top-stitching:

I've enjoyed every step of the process. Unfortunately, my machine has not taken a liking to the clear filament thread which McKenna uses, so I used a variegated thread instead. It doesn't look quite as perfect as McKenna's does, but I am still happy with the overall effect. It is going to be a pillow. I'm making the pillow case now.

David just returned from his week in Arizona, spent with his best friend from high school. Best friend attends college in Hawaii, and his parents have moved from Washington to AZ. I have never seen David looking quite so tanned.

He had a wonderful trip; they took trips to Sedona and the Grand Canyon, ate lots of good food, did the usual sort of "hanging out," as well as having fun staying cool in the pool.

Thank you, Kimbel family!

What's the Antidote?

2011-06-11T10:42:00.000-07:00

What's the antidote to grief?
I don't know...but this week, it's Keith Richards' autobiography, "Life," and a bit of his fabulous guitar-playing. What a fascinating character.

Just the opening bars are enough to make me smile, and "start me up."
If you're still feeling dark, there is always that eerie opening of "Gimme Shelter:"

I often forget that I heard them in concert in Seattle on their 1975 tour. I wasn't a fan, then; I was invited by a friend, and I love live music, so I went. We were young - in high school, sophomores or juniors - and it was a bit of a rough crowd, for the time. I remember seeing an aspirin tin, stashed in the fanny-crack of the guy in line in front of us, as we waited to get into the Coliseum. That was a first, for clean-living, little old me.

But the real eye-opener that evening was when a man-hole cover opened up on stage, and out floated a long, pink balloon. Mick Jagger rode that thing and worked it while he sang. I was astonished enough to think, "Is that...? No, it can't be!" But it was. And it got them into some trouble, apparently.

What a crazy bunch of iconoclastic dudes. It's incredible that they are still alive and making music, after all they've been through.
Thanks for lifting my spirits this week, Keith.

"Sing praise to the LORD with the harp,
with the harp and melodious song.
With trumpets and the sound of the horn
sing joyfully before the King, the LORD." - Psalm 98

Gberger

Recuerda mi corazon

So Much Fun

Receiving Grace, Sharing Grace

Why I Love St. Paul's Story

Friends Who Inspire on the Journey

An e-Store!

Snowmageddon/Snowpocalypse

Sneak Preview

Whistler B.C., 2012

Simplify the Heart

Happy New Year!

Christmas 2011

"Love is the Ultimate & Highest Goal"

A Favorite Potato Recipe

Gifts from Blogging

Rolling in the Deep

Christmas Ship Party Photos

Praise

Winter Sunrise, Winter Flowers

Christmas is Coming...

Weekend Recap

Too Busy to Write?

You Are the Beloved

Giving Thanks

Happy Birthday, David!

*UPDATE* on Robin

From "A Daily Spiritual Seed"

A Prayer Request

Been Working

A Lump - A Cyst

Chillin' with Chili and Camp Friends

Girl Talk

Quick Trip to Portland

Joyful Weekend

We Have Initiated the Launch Sequence

In Case You Weren't With Us...

Art & a Weekend Vacation

Interviews

Think on These Things

Memories of Katie & the Bible

"Thanks a Million"

The Ben Towne Foundation BENefit, 2011

I'm Writing a Book!

The Spirituality of the 12 Steps

Quilts for Auction

I looked up from my laptop and this is what I saw:

Bargain Boutique News

Beautiful Weekend

The Music of Change

AWARENESS Month

Busy, Busy Weekend

Anniversaries

Ocean Breezes

Love: Sunday, August 7th

This, That & An Anniversary

Ego Talk

Gratitude

Ready for the Weekend

Dairy Queen Hosts Children's Miracle Blizzard Treat Day: August 11!

Great News at Katie's Endowment's Blog

Birth Pains

Simple Pleasures & News

Belated Birthday Gift

From East Coast Karen

A Good Weekend

Busy, Busy, Busy...

Quite a Day

Finished Pillow, Final Draft & Reunion of Friends

A New Kind of Quilting

What's the Antidote?

UPDATE on Robin